As you anticipate your child's college choice, you're probably wondering: What role should I play throughout the whole process? How can I provide support without my kid feeling like I'm taking over? To find a few answers, we talked to five students about how their parents helped them make the best decision possible. We hope their experiences will be helpful as you figure out how to guide your own son or daughter through the search experience. Heather Adams
Year: Senior
College: Point Loma Nazarene University
Location: San Diego, California When I think about how my parents helped me, one word comes to mind: organization. Early in my search, my parents bought me binders to help me keep track of all the brochures and other college information. The binders allowed me to store all my important information in one place, instead of scattered around my bedroom! As I began to focus on a few schools, Dad encouraged me to make pro/con lists, writing down both the positive and the negatives I saw in each school I was seriously considering. This was a good "tool" because it allowed me to compare my lists, and it also helped me see which schools rose to the top and which ones fell to the bottom. To my parents, my top "pro" made sense: a good broadcast journalism program. They knew I was very interested in some sort of broadcast career, so they encouraged me to keep this in mind with each school I looked at. One of my other priorities, though, might have puzzled them a little: a warm, sunny beach. Yes, I wanted a place where I could relax on a sandy shoreline after a tough day of classes. Even though "warm beaches" might not have topped my dad's list for me, he did caution me when I started considering a Midwestern school with really cold winters. The thing was, I liked everything about that school—except for the location. Another school on my list was Point Loma—a university that sat right on a southern California beach. My parents encouraged me to carefully compare the two schools. The more I did, the more I realized they really were quite similar—except Point Loma had the sun and the beach. Since both my mom and my sister had attended Point Loma, they told me all about it. The more they talked, the more I was convinced that Point Loma was the perfect place for me. Along with my parents' loving support throughout the whole process, I realized that their sense of organization helped me keep my paperwork from getting out of hand. It also helped me carefully critique my top choices. Phillip Crawford
Year: Senior
College: Belhaven College
Location: Jackson, Mississippi Since I planned to play football at college, Dad was helpful during my search. He was a college athlete and really worked with me to find the right program. In several after-dinner conversations, he literally "coached" me on how to talk to athletic directors. He helped me figure out what questions to ask and he also helped me make sense of answers. He said that you could tell a lot about their enthusiasm or lack of enthusiasm for the program by the tones of their voices over the phone. Dad was right. As I talked to coaches and athletic directors, I got a good feel for their programs, their teams, their goals and their expectations. At first, my dad was very active in my search. He offered suggestions that helped me find out a lot about what a certain school had to offer—and his tips went beyond just the athletic department. But in time, he started to pull back and say less and less. It was a little frustrating at first, but then I realized what he was up to. He wanted me to take over and own the process. And that's exactly what happened. I can honestly say the final decision was really mine—thanks to my dad. Stefanie Kinstle
Year: Senior
College: Anderson University
Location: Anderson, Indiana As I labored over my college choices, Dad kept stressing that the decision was totally mine. But at one point he did say, "If this has any influence on your decision, you should know that your mom and I would be willing to pay a little more for a Christian college." Dad then explained that he thought the Christian curriculum and environment would help nurture my faith. Since I was interested in some sort of career in communications, my mother encouraged me to look into Christian schools that offered communication majors. I don't exactly know why, but I hadn't thought much about a Christian education until then. My faith has always been exciting to me, and it did make sense to learn at a place where my faith would be encouraged and applied to my studies. My parents' comments gave me the nudge I needed to start looking into Christian schools. I soon settled on Anderson. I appreciate my parents so much. They helped me screen schools throughout my junior and senior year. They even took off time from work to go with me on my visits. They also provided a gentle nudge that helped me realize that a Christian education really was my best option. Krista Bradt
Year: Junior
College: Central College
Location: Pella, Iowa As I walked with the tour guide at a large state university in Illinois, I began to wonder if this really was the right place for me. I couldn't even hear what our tour guide was saying above the chatter of the large group we were walking with. My parents were with me, of course, looking around in shock at the huge campus. As we talked throughout the day, I began to realize I should rethink my college decision. I had come to this college certain I wanted something big, but I felt completely overwhelmed. I'd grown up in a small town in Illinois, and my graduating class consisted of 74 students. I'd always had a desire to escape my small community by attending a large university—that's why this was my top choice school. But as I toured this enormous campus, I was no longer sure. Throughout the visit, my dad mentioned the big changes and adjustments I'd have to make if I attended this university. I know he wasn't trying to scare me. He just wanted me to have a realistic picture of what life on this campus might be like. Most of all, I think he wanted me to be absolutely certain this school was the right one for me. When we arrived home that evening, I felt exhausted. I knew I didn't want to attend a large school, yet I dreaded the thought of starting my search all over again. My mom and dad came into my room and we discussed the options. Their encouragement and wise advice got me going again. I soon sent for more information from the schools that had interested me. Around that same time, my mom had a conversation with a family friend. He mentioned Central College in Pella, Iowa—he and his wife had attended that school. From what he knew about me, he felt certain I would love Central. My parents and I researched Central together and then planned a visit. To say the least, I fell in love with Central. Both of my parents helped me think through what I really wanted in a college—while allowing me to make the final decision. Stephen VanHorn
Year: Junior
College: Johnson Bible College
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee One of the most helpful things my mother did was help me map out a "college visit tour." And it was quite a tour! Mom and I traveled from our home state of Rhode Island down to Virginia and across to Tennessee, where we visited several schools, including Johnson Bible College. Throughout the trip, Mom asked a lot of questions that helped me think through the pluses and minuses of each college we looked at. I was impressed by Mom's dedication to my search. In fact, I was extremely impressed by both my parents' and step-parents' willingness to help me look for college. Since they'd never been to college themselves, they often had a hard time understanding why I wanted to go to school and what exactly I wanted to get out of the experience. Even so, they supported me, offered advice and asked tough questions that made me think through my decision. They were especially concerned about my interest in a Bible college education. They wanted to make sure my education would help me with my career and my future. Their hard questions—which were frustrating at times—forced me think about what was really important to me and how a Christian education would help me use my gifts and abilities to serve God. My family also voiced concerns about my leaving home. I was a little surprised when this came up, but I am glad it did. It helped me understand how the coming change in my life would affect the entire family. As I searched, I made sure I assured everyone I wouldn't forget them when I went off to college. In turn, they assured me that they'd always be there for me, too. These were good and honest conversations. As I think back to my college search, I realize my family's support was so important. Even when they questioned my decisions, they were always there for me. Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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