Students have lots of challenges as they adapt to life away from home: new friendships, changing family relationships, managing money and occasional homesickness. But college freshmen aren't the only ones facing changes. Their parents and siblings back home are in a time of transition, too. And family life changes, now that a member is away.

So, how do parents and younger brothers and sisters deal with the loneliness they feel? How does a marriage change once the kids are gone, and what does a new relationship with a young adult look like? Check out these stories of families who settled into a new way of thinking about family life that includes having adult children.

When JoAnn and Dennis Wegner left their youngest daughter, Danielle, at Greenville College in Illinois, JoAnn feared that her house would be empty without Danielle—and that Danielle would be lonely without her family.

It was cold and rainy on the day they dropped Danielle off at college, and JoAnn felt glum. She was able to keep her composure while she and Dennis helped Danielle organize her new dorm room. But at a campus church service, JoAnn couldn't hold back the tears. "I just lost it," she says. "Danielle is my baby. It was a terrible, empty feeling. I felt like we were just leaving her in this strange place with no friends."

For Dennis, that loneliness didn't hit until they'd returned to their home in Baldwin, Illinois. "When we got home," Dennis remembers. "the house was just so empty. We'd had kids in the house for the past 20 years and then suddenly it was quiet."

A few days into her freshman year, Danielle called home. While JoAnn and Dennis were happy to hear her voice, they were more relieved to hear the voices of Danielle's new friends in the background. Once JoAnn knew Danielle was comfortable in her new surroundings at school, her weepy feeling eventually faded. Even though she missed her daughter, JoAnn started to settle into her new, quieter life.

Dennis and JoAnn have even learned to enjoy the easier pace that came when Danielle left for college. When Danielle and her older sister, Christina, were home, JoAnn rarely had time to cook. Now it's a nightly ritual for Dennis and JoAnn to eat dinner together. "I don't miss going to school functions every night," JoAnn admits. "It's kind of nice just to come home and eat dinner and not have to run back out the door."

This past fall, the Wegners drove Danielle back to school to start her sophomore year. "It wasn't as bad the second time around," JoAnn says. "I still cried a little bit, but I knew she'd be OK—and so would I."

Jim and Faithe Spurrier's three daughters attend Houghton College in New York. Grace is a freshman, and twins Naomi and Rachel are seniors. While the Spurriers miss the busyness of the three girls, they are also growing to relish the slower pace of life.

"I loved being a father to young kids," Jim says. "But I've had to adapt because I've crossed into a time when I have to learn how to be a husband and dad in this new season of my life."

Until their daughters went to college, Faithe and Jim's lives revolved around the girls' packed schedule of church and school activities. But they have learned to take time they once spent on their daughters and invest it into their marriage.

"Instead of thinking, 'Oh, no, here I am with you—without the kids,'" Jim says, "we're really trying to concentrate on our relationship." They'll celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary this year.

Jim, a pastor in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania, and Faithe, a teacher's aide, recently took time off for a romantic getaway in Maine. It was their first vacation without their daughters. Instead of planning family activities, Faithe and Jim spent the time reconnecting.

"I'm learning to make our marriage a priority in a new way," Faithe says. "One of the best gifts I can give our kids is to have a wonderful relationship with their father. Relationships take time and work —and now we have more time."

Whenever the phone rings, Kevin and Leah Tichner hope it's their son Nate, who is a junior at Milligan College in Tennessee. During his three years at college, Kevin and Leah have watched as Nate has grown into a more independent and responsible young adult.

That independence didn't happen overnight. When Nate was a freshman, he called home almost every day. As a sophomore he called every few days. Now that he's a junior, Kevin and Leah have to call him.

Other changes have marked Nate's transition from childhood to adulthood. When he visits his parents' home in Jacksonville, Florida, he no longer asks for permission to go out with his friends. He simply lets his mom and dad know where he's going and when he plans on being home.

"He goes to school 500 miles away," Leah says. "If we don't trust him at home, we'd drive ourselves crazy when he's away."

Leah has not been free of growing pains as she's watched Nate grow and mature. She still misses him every day. But while Leah and Kevin realize their family life will never be the same as it was when Nate was in high school, they are proud of how responsible Nate has become. But even as Nate finds independence, Leah and Kevin can see family influences on him.

"Even though no one is making him get up on Sunday, he still goes to church," Leah says. "We raised him to take church seriously. God only gave him to us for a short time. And I love to see him blossoming."

Parents Kevin and Leah weren't the only ones who needed to adjust when Nate went off to Milligan. Nate's younger sister Mallory felt the impact of the change as well. "It was weird to walk down the school hallway and not see him," Mallory says. "The year he left, I'd walk past his locker and get teary-eyed."

Nate's old locker reminded her of the times during her freshman year when she'd drop by to chat or get brotherly advice on a tough biology class. After school, Nate would often help his sister with her homework.

Like many siblings, Mallory and Nate have a friendly competition—they compare their grades. Even though Nate's away at college, Mallory keeps his old report cards around. At the end of each grading period, she calls him to tell him about her grades in the same classes and to update him on the "score."

With Nate in his third year of college, Mallory no longer feels quite as lonely as she did during his first year. And even though family life did change—and it's a little quieter now—she knows she didn't lose her big brother. Instead of chats by his locker, Mallory and Nate now talk on the phone and send e-mails. And she looks forward to every holiday when her big brother comes home to visit.

High school basketball coach Keith Edmonds can't help but scan his bench hoping to see his son, Chad. It's a habit he can't break, even though Chad is a freshman at Spring Arbor University in Michigan. Keith's eyes usually pause for a minute on the guy wearing Chad's old jersey, and it reminds him of a time when his son was the star player.

Keith and his wife Allison, who live in Indiana, also recently sent Allison's son, Kyle, to college. As they've learned to live as empty nesters, they've found that prayer has helped them adjust and draw them closer to each other. Prayer has also helped Keith feel closer to Chad. "I go into his room to pray for him," Keith says. "I usually tear up. It seems like just yesterday he was 5 years old."

Keith misses the days when Chad was a little boy and even finds himself wishing for those high school days. But he mostly misses the family life that included day-to-day conversations with Chad—whether it was on the basketball court or just chatting at the kitchen table. And when Chad comes home, he admits to trying to cram as much family time in as possible.

Keith knows that Chad is really growing on Spring Arbor's campus. During one of their phone conversations, Chad recently told his dad he wanted to have a better relationship with Jesus Christ. Keith's first instinct was to reach out and hug his son, just like he did when he was younger. But since Keith can't be on campus with Chad to witness his spiritual growth first hand, he prays for him often. Prayer gives him peace when he really misses his son. "You have to trust that you've done everything you could possibly do to prepare them for this next phase in their life," Keith says. "If they do what honors the Lord, then they'll be OK."

As these families have discovered, the changes that come when a child or a sibling goes off to school can take some adjustment. But even though change is difficult, it's nothing to fear. Time makes those adjustments easier, and slowly each family member finds new ways to connect—and to appreciate a new phase in relationships and a new stage of life.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Campus Life.

Subscribe to Ignite Your Faith!

• Risk-free trial issue
• Give a Gift Subscription