My husband and I simply cannot agree on how to best help our son look for a college. My husband keeps stressing financial security and finding a career path that's going to assure our son a job (and a good one) when he finishes college. He's really talking a lot about getting our son into a well-known, "brand-name" school. I'm more into living out your dreams, using your gifts and making sure you're where God wants you to be. It's not as important that my son get into a prominent school. I just want him to really seek God's plan for his life, and wherever he can grow in faith and responsibility is fine with me. This disagreement is really causing a lot of tension in our marriage. What can we do to resolve our differences and truly be helpful to our son?

Your son is blessed to have two parents who are interested in helping him make a solid decision. Even your areas of disagreement can provide him with a valuable experience as he observes you listening to and honoring each other. In his future he will likely be required to make choices among competing possibilities—both of which could be right!

The first thing I would encourage you and your husband to do: Talk to your son! It's important to keep in mind that your shared focus should be on helping your son make his own decision—rather than trying to get him to follow the dreams you or your husband have for him. It's likely that he has some thoughts about what he wants to do, and the three of you can work toward his goals together.

It's also important to realize that your different emphases during your son's college decision are not mutually exclusive. Whatever your son does as a career, it will be important for him to listen for God's voice and seek to live in a way that pleases God. And although he may focus his plans on job security now, God may have something different for him by the time he graduates. Together, the three of you can trust God to reveal his plans for your son, guide him toward the path he should take, and provide for his needs. Then all of you will be happy!

If you and your husband still struggle to understand one another on this important issue, I'd encourage you to meet with your pastor to pray together, to discuss your concerns and to hear one another out. This is a time of transition for all three of you, and your son needs all of the support you and your husband can give him—together.

I keep hearing about the value of a liberal arts education. But I attended a small technical college, and I've enjoyed a fairly successful career. My daughter is really sold on liberal arts colleges. But I keep hearing about liberal arts graduates who aren't able to find jobs in their fields. I'm afraid my daughter will be a starving liberal artist! How do students from liberal arts colleges do in the "real world"?

Perhaps you've seen the t-shirt which boldly states: "Liberal Arts Graduate: Will Think for Food!" It is true that liberal arts graduates aren't always able to find jobs in their fields. For some it's because they don't want a job in their field and they change directions entirely. Some just don't have the persistence required to actively seek and find a job "in field." And some bide their time, still hoping and trying to get into the career they went to school for. The realities of our economy right now are that technical college grads are not all employed either.

However, there are many advantages to a liberal arts background, beyond the benefit of a professional degree in the job market. For example, graduates who have a liberal arts background are more resilient during economic downturns because they are more broadly trained and educated.

The liberal arts provide an excellent foundation for learning and life. Employers frequently look for good communicators, good writers and good thinkers, and liberal arts colleges seek to develop those skills in students.

Analysts project that members of your daughter's generation will likely change career directions several times or have many jobs over their lifetimes. A liberal arts education prepares students to be lifelong learners and to have a knowledge and experience base that allows them to understand themselves and the world.

I hope you will consider a Christian liberal arts college where students are challenged to learn about and see all of life through the lens of their faith in Jesus Christ. It provides a strong foundation for living life fully and faithfully.

My wife and I are very interested in helping our son choose the right school and find scholarships he can apply for. Unfortunately, we feel like we're not getting the help we need from my son's guidance counselor—especially when it comes to getting information about Christian colleges. What should we do? How can we find the resources we need?

You're holding one resource that will provide information about Christian colleges your son can choose from—this magazine! Look through the college advertisements and information. Use the website addresses on each ad—and the printed cards in the middle of the magazine—to get information about schools that might interest your son.

One site that may be particularly helpful is christiancollegesearch.com, which allows you to search for schools that are members of the Council for Christian Colleges & Universities. Some schools' web sites provide links to other schools within their denomination or affiliate campuses. Also, listen carefully when other parents and/or their children extol the virtues of a particular Christian college. There's nothing quite like hearing from satisfied customers!

Also, the individual schools your son becomes interested in will be a great source of information about financial aid and scholarships.

Many local organizations in your area, such as Rotary clubs or the American Legion, offer wonderful scholarship awards to local students. Some churches provide financial support for students who attend Christian colleges, particularly if the college and the church are affiliated. And be sure to check the Internet. Although there are some scholarship scams to avoid (check out finaid.org/scholarships/scams.phtml for more information), there are many good possibilities highlighted online. It is usually worth your son's time to apply for any available scholarships he qualifies for. He is very likely to yield some financial support from his efforts.

My son has a learning disability and has always received help from special programs at his private Christian school. His grades have always been good, yet I wonder about his future education. He really wants to go to college and I don't want to discourage him. But I worry about his chances of getting accepted. And if he could get accepted, I wonder if he'll get the special help he needs when he gets there.

I'm sure you're thankful for the help that has been available to your son with his learning disability and for the success he has had. If his grades are good, he should definitely explore the college option.

Schedule a meeting with your son's guidance counselor. He or she can give you a realistic sense of which schools would be most likely to admit your son, based on his record. It's also a good idea to call an admissions counselor at schools your son is interested in. Talk with them about the standards for acceptance on their campus. As you and your son consider different colleges, it will be crucial to get information about the support services available on each campus. Seek the level of help your son will need, but be sure that your son takes responsibility for his own learning by participating in and even guiding this part of the process.

Many schools provide services for learning-disabled students, and many students seek academic enrichment and support of some kind—whether it's related to a learning disability, or just to improve their writing or study skills. I hope your son will find just the right school where he will have the support he needs and where he can continue to thrive and honor God with his gifts and abilities.

We've heard a lot about making sure the academic and social programs at a college are solid. Our daughter also inspected dorm rooms and ate in the cafeterias at the schools we visited. Are there other services we should be aware of as we're considering a college? For example, how important are student services like the career counseling center?

There are many services that affect the quality of a student's experience. These include residence life, academic enrichment, recreational sports and athletics, campus ministries, health services, and counseling.

Each of those areas provides well for the needs students have as they grow spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. Because students have such different needs and interests, it's important for you and your daughter to figure out if the schools you're considering offer sufficient support in ways that will be most helpful to her.

For example, even if your daughter has been convinced that she should be a teacher since kindergarten, she may still need the services of a career counselor. Many students change their minds about a major or future career during the college years. Career counselors help students explore career options and opportunities, and they can provide support for post-college job placement.

Career counseling is among several "hidden" aspects of the campus environment you and your daughter will want to factor into your college decision. For example, how valued are relationships between faculty and students? How accessible is the faculty? Are on-campus jobs readily available?

What about opportunities for students to collaborate with faculty in research, writing, directing plays or other interests? You'll want to take all of these elements into account. They can really make a difference during the college experience.

Each week I get together with my friends for coffee and the conversation always turns to the Christian colleges we're looking into for our children. Invariably, the comparison game begins. They all seem to think that one particular college is more "Christian" than another. I love my friends, but they seem so judgmental and narrow-minded. Is one Christian school really more Christian than another? Don't even the so-called "liberal" Christian schools have a lot to offer?

What measure should we use to decide which Christian colleges are "more Christian" and which are "less Christian?" The number of Bible courses offered? The number of and type of rules that students are expected to live by? The theology of certain professors? Too often people's perceptions are influenced by insufficient information and sometimes by what is not even true.

In general, I'd say each Christian college was founded for a God-ordained purpose. And that purpose may vary greatly from school to school. My experience has been that Christian colleges are very forthcoming about who they are and how faithfulness to their missions will shape student lives. Because Christians reflect a range of lifestyles, theologies and opinions, it's no surprise that there is considerable variety in Christian colleges and universities!

So the challenge is not to find out which Christian colleges are "Christian" enough. Instead, focus on finding one you and your child are comfortable with. Visiting the campus and talking with people directly will give you a sense of which school is the best fit for your son or daughter.

The fact is, any Christian college can provide an environment for spiritual formation and growth if a student seeks it. On the other hand, students can resist or reject everything that would help them grow in godliness—even at a school that is "perfect" for them. I'd challenge your friends to make fewer judgments and to share stories instead—stories they've heard about God at work in students' lives on Christian college campuses. That way, you can all encourage one another.

My son has been pretty far from the Lord and has done many sinful things. But now that he's entering his senior year in high school, he's rededicated his life to Christ. He wants to serve God with all of his heart. He also wants to attend a certain Christian college after graduation. But I'm wondering if my son should let the school know about his past, which includes a couple of arrests. I'm afraid if he shares these details with admissions counselors, he won't get into the school he wants to attend. Should he "tell all" or keep his past in the past?

I think it's best to be honest. It's true that the college may weigh the potential risks of admitting your son, depending on the severity of his actions and the circumstances. But knowing that he has been truthful with the school he attends will free him from worry that someone may find out about him later and ask him to leave.

I'd recommend a proactive approach that is straightforward, but does not emphasize the problems your son has had in the past. Here's an example: Many Christian colleges require students to write an essay reflecting on their spiritual lives. Your son can write honestly about his past experiences, sharing that although he has been in trouble, that's only a small part of his journey. Hopefully he's reflected on it, learned the lessons he's needed along the way, and left it behind him. That's a story any growing Christian can relate to!

Applications often require references from teachers or youth pastors. You and your son can choose references who will be able to talk about the changes in your son's character since the arrests and describe what the college can expect from him now.

It's also a good idea to arrange for an admissions interview at the colleges your son is considering. These interviews will allow your son to give admissions counselors a more complete sense of who he is, beyond what an essay or a recommendation can convey. Meeting your son in person will help admissions people see your son's past the way the two of you do: as just one part of who he is. His confidence in communicating this will go a long way.

Finally, I'd encourage him to not limit his options to just one school. If he does, he might end up feeling deeply discouraged if he doesn't get accepted there. Encourage him to research several institutions that would give him a solid academic experience and help him mature in his faith.

A word of comfort: The admissions staffs at Christian colleges are probably not looking for a way to "disqualify" your son. Instead, they are trying to consider whether the environment at their particular schools can best support your son's efforts to turn around. Your son's honesty with them will demonstrate his commitment to those efforts!

The most important thing is that your son is inviting God to strengthen him in his renewed dedication to Christ. Surround him and his search with prayer. I believe in the transforming power of God to change lives. I also believe there are Christian colleges that would welcome him and prepare him to follow through on his desire to serve God.

The pastor of my church said there's a good chance my daughter will "meet the man of her dreams" when she goes off to a Christian college next year. He said it to be reassuring, since some kids who go off to secular schools end up getting involved in unhealthy relationships with non-Christians. But I'm not really that reassured. My daughter has rarely dated in high school, and the thought of her dating and maybe falling in love with a complete stranger (Christian or not) scares me to death! How can I prepare her (and myself) for college dating?

One of the joys of my job is seeing Christian college students develop rich friendships with both genders, some of which result in dating and even marriage. A reality is, though, that there are more women in college nationwide than males. So, even in a perfect one-to-one matching scenario some would not "find someone" in college. Unfortunately, many parents put tremendous pressure on their students—daughters, in particular—to "keep looking," or ask "have you met anyone yet?"

It doesn't sound like that's the problem you're dealing with, though! I hope you will have an honest discussion with your daughter about your concerns, even as you express your confidence in her that she will hold to her Christian values. Assure her that you're praying for the friendships she'll develop at school, including friendships that may lead to dating. Encourage her to be a good friend to others and to participate in activities where she'll have many opportunities to meet people—not for the purpose of marrying someone, but so she can develop respectful and meaningful relationships. And since she hasn't dated much, it will help her to have a variety of places where she can get to know the young men on campus and increase her comfort level with them. These interactions can help her gain insight about what kind of person she would want to marry, if that's what God has for her. Help her set high yet reasonable standards for her future mate. The guys on campus will be growing and maturing in faith, just as she is.

If your daughter does start dating, encourage her to have an accountability relationship with a close girlfriend. This person should be someone who can help her set and keep God-honoring standards with her boyfriend so that they can build a relationship that is pure and healthy. Who knows what fine son-in-law may be in your future? All of my children are married now and I thank God for each of my "in-law" children. They are gifts to our family. That's something to look forward to!

Judy Moseman is vice president for student life at Bethel College (MN).

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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