As a college student, I love my independence. I love doing things on my own, and making my own decisions. But there are also times, especially if things haven't gone just right, when I need a little help.

OK, I'll admit it straight up: There are still times when I need my parents. Yes, we college students are eager to be on our own. But what you—our parents—might not realize is that at times, we're also unsure of ourselves, nervous and even homesick. And I'm not the only one who feels that way. Kristen Deitrich, a junior and one of my classmates at Bethel College (IN), recently had an experience where she soon found herself on the phone with her parents.

The spring semester had barely begun, and Kristen found herself in the midst of a computer crisis. Her portfolio, a project she'd worked on since freshman year, was due the next morning. But when she stopped by the computer lab to tie up loose ends, she found nothing on her disk. As panic began to set in, she hurried to her dorm. She prayed all the way there, and to her relief was able to recover almost everything on her personal computer. But almost wasn't enough. Her two most important documents remained mysteriously missing.

When faced with a challenge, what is an accomplished, independent college student to do? Kristen called home. Her mom calmed her down, and her dad talked her through steps to check her computer. Kristen felt better after talking to Mom and Dad, but the two crucial documents had apparently disappeared forever, leaving Kristen with a sick feeling in her stomach.

So, what should parents do when their college students hit a bump in the road? Well, Kristen's parents drove more than 500 miles that weekend to be with their daughter. "They took me out to eat, bought me stuff at the store, fixed my computer and just were here!" says Kristen.

Now, not all crises require a road trip, but we do want to know you care whatever the circumstance. We don't want you to treat us like little kids, but we do want to know you miss us when we're gone. So, here are some practical ways that you can show your college kids that you love them—even when they're far from home.

Even the smallest package means a lot, especially around exam time. But, surprise packages are blessings straight from heaven. (For specific ideas about care packages, see "The Ultimate Care Package" on page 66.)

1. Remember holidays
   Students are more likely to feel homesick around special days. So be creative! Sara Zook, a junior at Bethel College (IN) says during the month of December, her mom sent her 17 little presents, one for each day before Christmas break. "She wrapped up cheese (my favorite food), Christmas tree stickers and glow-in-the-dark stars, just to name a few!" says Sara.
   
   Or for Valentine's Day, my mom mailed me an envelope stuffed with valentines made by my five younger siblings.
2. Keep them connected
   One way I feel connected with my family is through my mom's regular e-mail updates on family events, the activities of my siblings and hometown news. My dad keeps me informed of what's going on in our church and occasionally sends clippings from the local newspaper.
3. Make your college student feel at home
   I have a friend whose parents turned her room into an elegant guestroom as soon as she left for college. If you do have big ideas for your child's newly vacated room, just make sure you clue them in on the plans. You may also want to wait until after their first visit home before you transform their room into an office or sewing corner. Regardless of what you do with their room, do your best to make them feel like they're still coming home, instead of intruding.
   
   Jon Drummond, a junior at Patten College in California, says he always looks forward to sitting down to a family dinner when he goes home, what he calls "doing the family thing."
   
   For my visits, Mom often sets a vase of flowers on my bed table, and my little brothers decorate my door with handmade "Welcome Home Karen!" signs.
4. Support their activities
   Several times, my parents drove for hours (with my little brothers in tow) to watch my volleyball games—even during my freshman year when I sat the bench.
   
   Attend when you can, but when you can't be there make sure they know you're thinking of them through a phone call, e-mail or card.
5. Birthdays are a big deal
   Making a big deal about birthdays is a big deal. Each year that junior Jenney Perkins has been away at Baptist Bible College in Pennsylvania, her mom and sister mailed her a homemade birthday cake
   
   !
6. Send food
   Cafeteria food is manageable, and occasionally even enjoyable. But nothing beats receiving goodies from home!
   
   Yes, you'll send Mom's homemade cookies in a care package, but with a special food package, you can get creative: Send fancy candies, fresh-baked bread (you might overnight it!), exotic coffees or teas, gourmet popcorn.
7. Make a random phone call
   Surprise phone calls from Mom and Dad are great for lots of reasons—they're a welcomed excuse to put off studying, they're a break in boredom, or a cure for homesickness. Rosalynn Ancheta, a Patten College graduate, says she especially appreciated her father's frequent phone calls. "They kept me going because I knew he would always want to know what's going on in my life," she says.
8. Send money
   The extent that parents finance their children's education varies. No matter how much or how little of the school bill you pay, the fact remains that college students are notoriously broke. Even $5-10 in the mail will bring a big smile to your child's face.
9. Surprise your kids
   My mom hides notes in my bags, books and coat pockets while I'm home for a visit. Usually I find them right away—on my way back to school or when I'm unpacking—but sometimes days or weeks go by before a note pops up. Seeing an encouraging message in Mom's familiar handwriting always makes me smile. Last semester, my friend Alicia Johnson, who also attends Bethel, mentioned to her parents that she had been feeling a little depressed, and a few days later she received a gorgeous bouquet of daisies. The daisies didn't make Alicia's problems disappear, but they sure lifted her spirits that week! Toward the end of his sophomore year at Greenville College, in Illinois, Steve Moore's parents had a cake delivered to congratulate him on making it halfway through college. He says it doesn't really matter what his parents send him, it's just nice to know that they're thinking about him.
10. Visit
    College kids have two lives: the hometown existence and the college scene (with new friends and our own address). When our parents visit, they are given a glimpse into our other world. Going to the grocery store or out for dinner are two activities my college peers and I highly recommend—provided, of course, that Mom and Dad are picking up the bill! Bringing siblings along is also a plus.
11. Give advice
    We appreciate that you don't want to interfere, but don't hesitate to share your words of wisdom on crucial matters. We grow to value parental advice more as the years go by. Just make sure your advice comes as counsel rather than demands.
    
    Greenville College senior Nathan Kratzer grew to respect and appreciate his parents more during his years away at school. He says, "Now I always look forward to my weekly Sunday night phone calls to my parents; their advice and encouragement is always needed."

I find I still need my parents, even after my freshman year. Once we've been away from the family for a while and settled into a routine, homesickness might set in. We know you care about us, but we'll never be too old to want to see and hear expressions of your love.

Karen Langley is a senior majoring in journalism at Bethel College in Mishawaka, Indiana. She says she appreciates her parents' prayers when she's away from her hometown of Zion, Illinois.

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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