Q. Since I'll be going to a college that's pretty close to home, my parents seem to expect me to come home almost every weekend. I'm not sure I want to do that. I think I'll miss out on a lot of fun if I spend most of my weekends at home. At the same time, I don't want to hurt my parents. How can I tell them I love them while explaining I'm going to need some space when I leave?

A. This is one of the hardest adjustments associated with going to college and can be particularly difficult if you are the first in your family to go away to school. Your goal should be finding the balance between staying connected to your family and establishing yourself in your new campus environment.

The first thing to remember is that this is a major transition for everyone in your family. You are ready to move out of the house and start the next stage of your life, and your parents are watching their child mature from kid to adult. These are very rewarding experiences, but not always easy ones to navigate. As you try to work through these changes, keep a couple of things in mind. First, your parents love you and want the best for you. Next, please realize this change in your life is going to require patience and adjustment on both sides. I think you should sit down and talk to your parents about your concerns. Discussing it now can help you reach a compromise that both you and your parents can live with. Maybe you could go home one or two weekends out of the month instead of "almost every one." Talk about how you'll stay in touch with calls or e-mails. This could go a long way toward reassuring them that they are still important to you. You could even merge college and home activities by bringing your friends to meet your parents. A lot of students will probably feel homesick and think you're lucky to be able to visit home so easily, and the chance to have a home-cooked meal is very appealing after a month or two.

Finding a balance between your family and college life can be a challenge, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Above all, you and your parents need to stay connected while they allow you to take full advantage of your college experience.

Q. I'm going to be living on a wing where the guys are notorious for their crazy pranks. Although the pranks I've heard about sound pretty harmless—mostly stuff the guys do to bond with each other—I'm feeling kind of nervous. I'm afraid I'll get carried away with pranks. Is it stupid to feel this way? How can I enjoy myself and get to know the guys on my wing, but not end up in the dean's office?

A. Bonding and having fun with people you meet on campus is an important part of college life. So I encourage you to build good relationships with the guys on your wing or floor. Be sure to participate in as many activities as you have time for, and be a good sport. A lot of college wings or floors have unique traditions and harmless pranks you can be a part of.

At the same time, your question isn't stupid at all. It's easy for pranks to get out of hand. What you need to do right away is set boundaries for yourself before you get involved in any pranks. Know what kinds of behaviors you don't want to be involved in before you are faced with the decision to participate. A good rule of thumb is to avoid any type of prank or behavior that involves damaging property or that targets an individual. Be aware of the potential for escalation or "one-upmanship" that can occur. Wanting to get even for a prank—or even to top another guy's prank—can cloud your judgment. Thinking these things through and knowing what's OK and what's not can keep you from making a snap decision that you may regret later.

Next, avoid "mob mentality." Keep in mind that you're responsible for your actions, even if they're done in a group. It's easy to feel like a prank isn't such a big deal if everyone else on the floor or wing is involved. That's simply not true. The "everybody was doing it" excuse isn't a free pass. Don't take part in pranks that violate your values, and be strong enough to bow out of a prank or activity if you sense things are getting out of control.

Finally, think about sharing your concerns with the hall director and resident assistants on your new floor. They'll have a good idea about the history of both the positives and negatives of life on your floor.

Q. I'm a straight-A student, but my parents say I'm a procrastinator, I have very poor study skills, and I'm going to have a hard time in college. What are they talking about? I've done well in high school; I should do well in college, right?

A. Wrong! I'm afraid you're about to make a common freshman mistake. By not realizing you're going to be stretched academically, you won't be prepared for the rigors of college classes. Many students find high school unchallenging, and have no trouble getting excellent grades without trying very hard. However, college courses tend to be more difficult and time-consuming, and usually require more planning and effort to manage well. To be sure, not all college classes will be hard, but in general, college will be more challenging.

You really do need to pay attention to your parents' assessment of your current study habits. They're your parents. They know you really well. And they've lived with you through four years of high school. It also sounds like they know there's a big difference between high school studies and college studies. So if your parents are suggesting some changes in your study habits, I'd listen to them.

Q. I have a pretty bad reputation at my high school. And I can't say it's totally underserved. Now, though, I'm ready to change—but I wonder if it's possible. Even though I'm hoping to attend a Christian college next fall, I don't see myself becoming a totally different person. I've been this way so long that I'm not sure I can change, even though I want to. Do you think it's possible for me to start a whole new life when I get to college? What are some things I can do to help me with my new commitment?

A. This is a great question and I commend you for thinking about your need to make some changes. If you are really ready to change, going to college—especially one designed to help you grow in both academic and spiritual aspects of your life—can be a good place to work on those issues. This is an important part of your spiritual journey, and you need to be prepared to make hard choices about changing your behavior. Christian colleges intentionally design their out-of-class experiences such as living in residence halls and engagement in co-curricular activities. This is often called "whole person" education and, in my opinion, a Christian college is the best place to receive this kind of educational experience.

One caveat about Christian colleges: Don't consider them a cure-all. This is often a mistake parents make with a struggling or rebellious child. They think that if they can get that child to a Christian college campus, all problems will be solved, or that it's the school's responsibility to make sure positive change occurs. Real change, however, starts with the individual who needs to change. In your case, it starts with you and the decision to make changes in your life. Being in a nurturing Christian college community can help you be successful, but changing your habits and decisions has to start with you. To give yourself the best chance for success, you need to do some soul-searching and praying before you come to campus.

I would also suggest not trying to do this alone. I am big proponent of support and accountability—I think you need to have a person or small group who's praying for you and helping you work on your problems and struggles both now and when you're on campus. When you get to campus, look for trusted friends such as resident assistants, residence hall counselors, hall directors and others with whom you can build healthy relationships and who can help you stay true to your commitments. And if you struggle with addictions, be sure to ask about the school's counseling center, which should offer services and support groups that will help you recover and heal.

No, I don't think a Christian college will automatically solve all of your problems. But if you're willing to work hard on your problem areas, a Christian school will provide a great environment for personal growth while offering you opportunities for a solid education. And it offers you a chance to start over with a clean slate—away from old friends and a bad reputation.

Q. I'd like to get married someday, and college seems like a good place to meet great Christian guys. A lot of the couples I know, including my parents, met in college. But people keep telling me to focus on my studies and not worry too much about dating. I agree I shouldn't let my eagerness to get married cause me to ignore my work. But I also don't think it's realistic to ignore the fact that these are prime dating years—and I'm going to be on a campus with lots of guys who are my age and who are interested in growing in their faith. How can I make sure I have a balanced approach to college dating?

A. You're right. It really is all about balance. It's also about starting off with the right focus. First and foremost, focus on the main reason you're going to college—academics. Remember that your first year in college—especially your first semester—is a time of transition for you. Take new relationships slowly as you focus on adjusting to college life and managing your new responsibilities. Make sure you keep studies a high priority.

Second, focus on building relationships with a variety of people. That includes being open to a dating relationship that could lead to marriage. But avoid the temptation to look at every guy you meet as a potential mate.

Third, focus your social life on group activities where you'll meet and interact with lots of different people. This helps take the pressure off you and helps you learn more about building solid friendships. A lot of times, dating relationships develop from strong friendships.

Focusing on academics and building strong relationships with friends of both genders will help you ease into your college experience. If, in God's timing, you develop a dating relationship, then the priorities you've developed and focused on will help you do this in a healthy and mature way.

Editor's note: To find out what college students have to say about the campus dating scene, see the article on page 48.

Q. I just got my roommate assignment, and I'm going to be sharing a room with two roommates instead of one. I'm really nervous about this. I've never shared a room with anyone, and I figured it would be hard enough to have one roommate and to figure out stuff like quiet hours, noise level and chores. Now I'm extra worried. Are there things I can to do stop worrying about getting along with my roommates?

A. It's common to feel anxious about meeting and living with roommates. But students usually have good roommate experiences. And I'm also amazed by how many times roommates end up the best of friends. Still, sometimes roommates don't get along and aren't able to work out their differences, and that's not easy.

Having two roommates doesn't necessarily mean that this challenging transition will be harder, but it may mean you need to be doubly prepared.

Good communication will be a major part of a good roommate experience, so start talking to your roommates now. Give your roommates a call and introduce yourself. Start e-mailing, add them as Facebook friends, or add them to your IM buddy list. Still, don't only communicate electronically. If you can, meet up at orientation.

During these first conversations, you might want to talk about what each of you will want to bring to school. For instance, you might not all want to bring large TVs, and you probably don't have room for three coffeemakers. As the three of you talk about these issues, you may also end up talking about some of your habits and preferences. Talk about what kind of music you like and what kind of sleeping or studying time you need. A lot of roommates have conflicts over who should do the chores and how neat the room should or shouldn't be. So it wouldn't hurt to talk about those kinds of things, either during your initial conversations or shortly after you move in. You might even be able to share your concerns about having two roommates instead of just one. Chances are, they may have the same concerns.

Once you've moved in together, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, but also make sure you're open to compromise. The important thing is to make sure you resolve issues quickly instead of letting them build up.

I've often seen situations where two roommates end up bonding over their dislike for the third. Avoid this kind of two vs. one conflict. Even if you like one of your roommates more than the other, don't be rude to or ignore the third.

Residence hall directors and residence assistants can be particularly helpful to you as you work through any issues that may arise. They can also help you work through any conflicts you don't feel you can handle on your own.

As you get ready for this new experience, ask God to prepare you for life with two new people. Ask him to give you the strength to grow through this new experience.

Skip Trudeau is the dean of student development at Taylor University in Upland, Indiana.