When I first arrived on campus, I felt overwhelmed. So much to do! So many choices to make! I wondered: What could I do to keep my priorities straight and my life together? As I felt the pressure mounting after the first week of classes, some older friends encouraged me to find a group of people I could be accountable to. I'm glad I followed their advice. My "accountability group" supported me as I adjusted to college life, helped me keep my studies on track and encouraged me to keep growing in my faith. As you get settled on your college campus, I'd like to encourage you to find some students who want to meet regularly to hold each other accountable. Here are 11 tips for finding a group to grow with. 1) Find committed people. If possible, look for people who are close by—right down the hall or on the floor just above or below you. It makes it easier to get together. You'll also see each other fairly often, giving you more opportunities to support and encourage one another. But do be choosy. Find people who are committed to the idea of accountable and supportive friendships. For example: Look for those who would be willing to attend a regularly scheduled meeting as often as possible. Regular attendance says to the other members of the group: "I care enough about this group to make our meeting a priority." 2) Decide on your group's size. At first, I started meeting with a fairly large group—around eight girls. But it seemed hard for me to share openly in such a large group. After a while my friend Sophie and I decided to start a smaller group on our own. Deciding who else to ask, however, took time and prayer. We couldn't seem to find anyone we both knew well. One day as Sophie and I were talking outside chapel, a close and supportive friend of mine walked by and said, "Hi, Sara. Hi, Sophie." Sophie and I looked at each other and somehow sensed we'd found our third member. It turned out that Allison had been praying for a group, too. So our small group of three was born. 3) Keep it in the "family." What's said in the meetings needs to stay in the meetings. Confidentiality allows trust to develop between members so everyone can be open and honest. While this type of trust develops slowly, it must develop for the group to grow close and be truly accountable to one another. 4) Seek similarities. What's this mean? First off, it means that guys meet only with guys and girls meet only with girls. Remember: It's an accountability group, not a dating service. Beyond that, it means finding people who share some common experiences with you. It also helps to have activities you enjoy doing together. It's easier to build close friendships that way. Everyone in my group shared the goal of doing well academically. While we all enjoyed being involved in extracurricular activities, we wanted to do our best academically. Having people in my group who understood how hard studying can be, but were dedicated to doing their best, challenged me to do my best. 5) Don't ask your roommate. Find group members who will be close by when you need them. Finding people who live on your floor is not a bad idea. But here's a warning: It's probably not wise to ask your roommate. My roommates were some of my closest friends, but we decided right away not to risk ruining our friendship by forming an accountability group. Being in an accountability group with your roommate may cause you to start nagging and criticizing each other a bit too much. Besides, the accountability group is one place to go for advice on getting along with your roommate, as long as you can avoid gossip. Generally speaking, when it comes to accountability your roommate is probably a bit too close for comfort. 6) Make a plan. Once you have a group, decide on a meeting time and place that's convenient for everyone. Make sure there's privacy. You may need to stick a "Do not disturb!" sign on the door. Most important: Unplug the room phone and turn off those cells. And set the length of time your group will meet each week. I'd recommend meeting for at least an hour. Of course, spending time together socially will also help the group grow closer together. 7) Set goals. When you first come together, set your goals and commitments. These can be individual goals or goals the group wants to work on together. For instance: You might ask the group to hold you accountable for doing daily devotions. Or you might decide to hold each other accountable for saving money or eating well. The goals could range from church attendance to getting enough sleep to sexual purity. Your weekly meetings are times to check in and see how you're doing. 8) Lean on each other. After you make your commitments and set your goals, don't be afraid to ask your group for advice and support. But be prepared to accept their help. Try their suggestions, and be thankful for their support. 9) Be practical. Here are some ways you can show support for others in your accountability group: • Listen to them with respect. Use eye contact to show they have your full attention. • Ask them about how things are going. Don't wait for them to tell you. • During the week, give them or e-mail them encouraging notes with Bible verses. Allison was particularly good at sending encouraging notes. Her notes always seemed to come when I needed them most. • When others in your group are having weak moments, gently remind them of why they set the particular goal or goals they've set. Then offer to pray with them. • Don't "sabotage" group members who
are trying to keep their commitments.
For example: If group members have set
aside a specific time to study, don't try to
talk them into going to see a movie. • Stick to your commitments. This lets
others in your group know you are serious about accountability. • Show love and grace toward each
other. Every once in a while it wouldn't
hurt to start the meeting by reading 1
Corinthians 13. This "love chapter" will
remind you that God's unconditional
love should guide your conversations,
keep you from harsh judgments, and
encourage you to have each other's best
interest at heart. • Pray for your friends. As they come
into your mind throughout your day,
pause and pray for your accountability
partners. 10) Seek professional help if it's needed. What do you do if someone is struggling with clinical depression? Or an eating disorder? Or is dealing with an addiction? While you should still support each other through serious struggles, you are not a trained professional counselor and you should never act like one. The most supportive action you can take sometimes is to encourage your struggling friend to find professional help. 11) Keep God at the center of your group. Jesus gave us this promise: "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20, NIV). Each time you come together be sure to recognize God's presence and place in your meeting. Ask him to help you "encourage each other and build each other up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NLT). As you do, you'll have much more than an accountability group. You'll have a group of real Christian friends who will be there when you need them the most. Copyright © 2007 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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