For a long time, I've been saying I can't wait to be independent. But now that I'm getting ready to go off to college, I'm realizing I'm not really ready to be independent after all. Actually, I'm kind of scared. Sometimes I think I'm ready to be an adult, and other times I wish I could keep things the way they are. How can I find a balance between these feelings?

It's OK to be "kind of scared" or anxious. You're not alone! It's normal to have some fears about leaving home and going to college! Still, let me help you to place your concerns in perspective.

You may need to think about your definition of independence. Of course, you'll still want to have a strong and healthy relationship with your parents. You'll want to ask their advice on things, and you may still need to depend on their financial support while you get your education. At the same time, you'll also have more opportunities to make your own decisions and to be responsible for your own life.

College provides the opportunity for a gradual transition from dependence to independence. For example, during your college years, you can forge an adult friendship with your parents. In this new relationship, you can talk freely with each other about life "stuff," and share your troubles and triumphs as one adult to another. Together, you and your parents can pray for each other as you each work out the details of your lives and deepen your commitment to God.

Your ability to make a healthy transition to independence will depend somewhat on your parents' ability and willingness to make the same transition. You can use your years away at school to help you and your parents "let go" in good ways. This might be as hard for them as it is for you! For example, you may need to stay on campus more and not go home every time they would like you to. You may need to get a part-time job to buy the car they are sure you don't need, but you are convinced you do. But no matter what, do everything you can to communicate well with your parents. Try to help them understand what you are thinking and feeling, and take time to be respectful of them and listen carefully to their concerns and hopes. You can grow toward independence in wonderful ways in college, and you and your parents can end up closer than ever in the process!

I'm really excited about going to a Christian college, but I'm also a little worried about continuing to grow in my faith. I've heard it's easy to get too comfortable and complacent in your faith, since everyone around you is typically a Christian and there's no reason to witness to them. How can I keep this from happening to me?

It is wonderful that your heart's desire is to keep growing in your faith and sharing the gospel with those who do not yet know God personally. I believe God will honor that desire and help you stay strong. When you arrive on campus, make it a priority to find a close group of friends you can meet with regularly for Bible study and prayer. You can hold each other accountable for your spiritual growth and help each other find ministry opportunities. Many Christian colleges have discipleship programs designed to provide such groups for you.

Still, there is no substitute for your own personal Bible study and prayer times. When you're a busy college student, setting aside time to be with the Lord is a challenge. But it's worth it. It's not only worth it, it's essential for Christian growth.

College is the perfect time for you to make your faith your own. It's a time to come to a deeper understanding of what you believe and to seek answers to the questions you may have about your faith. A Christian college environment provides you with excellent resources for that process. Christian professors, Christian courses, and positive extracurricular and outreach activities will be available. As you start your college life, I recommend viewing these next four years as a time to develop a solid and strong faith foundation. You can use that foundation to build on for the rest of your life, and it will help you to share your faith with people who don't know Christ.

Speaking of sharing your faith, don't assume everyone who goes to a Christian college is a Christian. And even if everyone is a Christian, many may be struggling with their faith. You could play an important role in helping them through the doubts. You'll also be able to take advantage of opportunities to share your faith off campus. The point is, you'll have plenty of chances to share your faith, and to grow along the way.

I have a pretty bad reputation at my high school. And I can't say it's totally undeserved. Now, though, I'm ready to change—but I wonder if it's possible. Even though I am going to a Christian college next fall, I don't see myself becoming a totally different person. I've been this way so long that I'm not sure I can change, even though I want to. Do you think it's possible for me to start a whole new life when I get to college? What are some things I can do to help me with my new commitment?

It's good you are going to a Christian college because people there will support you in making the changes you'd like to make. You'll find a positive environment and may make friends who will value such changes. Still, the greatest boost for becoming a different person is that you want to do it. This is much better than trying to change because someone else wants you to. But you are right in thinking you probably won't become a totally different person overnight just because you show up at a Christian college and want to change.

But there is hope for you! I believe in the transforming power of God in each of our lives, and there is great possibility in inviting God to change you from within. Romans 12:1-2 in The Message challenges all of us in this way:

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Practically speaking, you need to think about how you present yourself when you arrive on campus and what behaviors you specifically need to try to change first. Be deliberate about the friends you choose and the activities you will or won't participate in. Even at a Christian college, there are temptations. You will need God's strength to help you resist them.

You may feel out of place and find it is easier to revert back to who you were in high school. Find someone who can help you by holding you accountable for the changes you hope to make. Ask this person to pray with you and for you regularly. Friends, faculty or administrators on your campus are possible sources of support.

Everyone who comes to college has a story of their own and probably some "baggage," like you do. For everyone, it is also an opportunity for a fresh start. That's a good feeling and I am so thankful you are thinking about that. God's grace is available to everyone. He forgives us as we turn away from the sin in our lives and turn to him. His promise to clean us up and make us new is a great gift. I am so excited about what God will do as you open your life up to him and invite him to change you "from the inside out."

Somebody once told me the hardest thing about going off to college is homesickness. I've always been kind of a "homebody" and never felt a need to be far from home. Well, the college I'm attending next fall is about five hours away, and getting home often will be pretty difficult. I still want to go to school there, but I'm worried about getting depressed because of homesickness. Is there anything I can do right now that will help me adjust to my future life away from home?

It's good you know this about yourself and that you can articulate what you're worried about. It's also good you want to do something about it—starting right now. You can take advantage now of opportunities to get away from home for short periods of time. Go on a retreat with the church youth group, visit an aunt or uncle who lives some distance away, go on a special trip with a good friend's family, or go to your neighbor's cabin for a weekend with them or with a friend. These kinds of experiences help you become more comfortable with being away from home.

Once you arrive on campus, remind yourself you can make it. Set goals to help you pass the time. For example, you might want to try not to go home before Thanksgiving. If possible, make your travel plans in advance so you know when you'll be able to go home for the first time. Tell your family and friends, "I'll see you then!"

It also will be important for you to seek out new friends on campus. One of the great gifts of college is the opportunity to form lifelong friendships. The more connected you are to your new environment, the better you will be able to settle in and be happy there. If you put effort into really becoming a part of the campus and diving into new activities, you'll have less time and energy for homesickness.

E-mail, cell phones and phone cards make it easier for you to stay in touch with home and all the people you love there. When you're feeling lonely, you can talk with Mom, Dad or your best friend at another college.

Being away from home for the first time can be very hard for your parents and for you. But being aware of your needs and taking positive steps to meet them will help you adjust to your life on campus. I think you'll be just fine because you're planning ahead and taking positive steps to help yourself.

Still, if you do find you're feeling depressed or your loneliness is getting more and more difficult, talk to your residence hall adviser or the counselors on your campus. In some cases, homesick and depressed students need help in dealing with their emotions.

My old boyfriend is planning to go to the same college I'll be attending. We broke up recently, but he still calls me a lot and doesn't seem willing to give me a lot of space. I'm worried this will continue when we head off to college next fall. I really want to use my time at college to grow as a person and to try new things, but I'm afraid his clinginess will keep me from enjoying my first year of college. How can I keep this from becoming a problem?

This is a great opportunity to model mature and respectful behavior to your former boyfriend. It would be best to resolve this issue before you arrive on campus. Arrange a time where you can talk together about what would be best and wise for both of you. Be clear about the boundaries you'll create for each other. For example, can you greet each other in a friendly manner without you feeling like he's moving in on your territory? Would you like to avoid eating at the same cafeteria table with him? Tell him so.

It's also a good idea to do some things that will create distance between you. For example, you can live in different areas of the campus or at least in different residence halls. You may not be able to avoid each other in class, but you can co-exist there, in the dining center, in chapel, or wherever you might need to be in the same area at the same time.

Let's say he intentionally ignores the boundaries you've agreed on. Talk with him again and be specific and firm about your concerns regarding any boundary violations. If he continues to cross the line, talk with someone who can help you sort out how to respond. If he is inappropriate in his behavior to the point of stalking you, a campus authority—like a residence hall director, dean or campus safety officer—can send a strong message to leave you alone.

I hope the two of you can agree ahead of time about boundaries at college. If you do, both of you can develop healthy, fun relationships on campus, including dating opportunities and friendships that honor God.

Since I'll be going to a college that's pretty close to home, my parents seem to expect me to come home almost every weekend. I'm not sure I want to do that. I think I'll miss out on a lot of fun if I spend most of my weekends at home. At the same time, I don't want to hurt my parents. How can I tell them I love them while explaining I'm going to need some space when I leave?

Sit down with your parents and tell them exactly what you wrote in your question! Your desire to talk about this concern in a way that's respectful and loving demonstrates a lot of maturity. The Bible tells us to honor our parents, and I can see you are trying to honor God in your relationship with them.

It's true you will miss out on some of the joy of college if you can't participate fully in weekend activities. Plan your schedule, then let your parents know what weekends might work for you to come home. Tell them about the events on campus that interest you, then share some of what you enjoyed after you participate in those activities. By letting them know what's going on at college, you can help your folks feel like they're a part of your college life. That way, they'll realize they haven't "lost" you if you don't come home every weekend.

Sometimes, there may be family events where your presence is important to your parents. Make time for those events if possible. You may need to learn to negotiate with your family during these times. Find out what is important to each of you, and think about how you can compromise. This can be a great learning experience for all of you.

Going to school close to home may turn into a great blessing. It could give you quiet study time, a chance to get a home-cooked meal and the opportunity to bring some of your friends home with you occasionally. They'll love to be invited to your home for a night away from the dorm. With a positive attitude and respect for your parents, you can work this out in ways that satisfy you and your parents.

What if I end up not liking my college? I've done my best to figure out if it would be the right place for me, but I'm afraid. What if I have second thoughts? How should I decide whether to stick it out or transfer?

Whatever you decide, take your time to make a careful decision. It may be right for you to transfer, but I would suggest you do that only for a really good reason—like an academic program that is available at the school to which you transfer. The school you started out with caught your attention for some good reasons, or you wouldn't have chosen it. Make a list of everything you like about the school you've chosen. Then if you have doubts, pull out that list and remind yourself of the school's strengths and positive qualities.

No institution is perfect. As soon as you enroll, you'll have the opportunity to discover the imperfections of the place you chose. You also can enjoy what that school has to offer. You might find you can work within the student council or other systems to make your school even better.

Make every effort to get involved with people and programs at your school. It helps so much to feel like you're a part of things. The more connections you make, the more you'll feel like you belong there, and you'll be more likely to stay and become content.

If you don't like your school when you get there, talk with someone about how you're feeling. Going away to college is a big adjustment. If you're unhappy, it may just be that you're having a difficult time liking anything better than you liked high school. There are many people on any campus who could be helpful to you, from residential life staff and student life personnel, to campus ministers, academic advisers and counselors. Take advantage of those who are there to help you adjust. They will provide support for you.

I hope you will like the college you chose. If you don't like it right away, at least give it a fair chance to be the place you had hoped for.

I've heard that college students get sick a lot because they all live so close in the dorm. Is this true? How can I keep from getting sick?

Statistics support what you've heard about college students having more sickness because of tight quarters in the dorm. However, not all students get sick, even when their roommates come down with some "bug." The key is staying generally healthy, so your body is able to weather whatever's going around.

You can keep your immune system strong through adequate rest, proper nutrition and moderate exercise. This will help you manage your stress level, too, which gives you a better chance of fighting off germs.

Another great tip for staying healthy is the same advice your mother always gave you: Wash your hands! As far as nutrition, load up on fruits and veggies. And while it's good to drink your OJ, don't share it or any other beverage with your friends. Passing your water bottle or glass around is a sure prescription for getting sick.

Ultimately, there's nothing you can do to guarantee perfect health. So if you start to feel bad, don't hesitate to head for the campus health center. I'm amazed at how many students would rather suffer than see a doctor, but really, they're only making their situations worse. Little problems, like a stuffy nose, can open the door to bigger problems, like sinus and ear infections. Yes, it might be tough to fit a doctor's appointment into your schedule, but nothing will slow you down like a full-blown illness.

Judy Moseman is vice president for student life at Bethel College (MN).

Send your questions for this column to Campus Q & A, Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. You also can reach Campus Q&A via fax (630-260-0114) or e-mail (Clmag@campuslife.net).

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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