I'll never forget the advice my youth sponsor Matt gave me when I was in junior high: "When you get to college, make friends with your professors." My friends and I laughed. The idea seemed as far from our teenage world of boys, clothes and acne control as the day we would actually be in college. A friendship with our teachers?

It wasn't that I didn't like the idea. In fact, I got along well with many of my teachers throughout junior high and high school. After I finished my first year at college, though, I realized Matt was right about profs. And I'm not the only college student to have discovered this. I talked to other students about their own experiences. They talked about why it's good to make friends with profs and offered advice on how to make the most of these types of friendships.

Nathan Carrington heard that his relationships with his college professors would be more personal than they had been with his high school teachers. But when he arrived on campus at Erskine College in Due West, South Carolina, he felt a bit intimidated by his professors' titles and degrees. Then, Nathan's adviser, Dr. Howard Thomas, put him at ease. As time went on, Nathan began to see him as a friend and mentor. Nathan shared his questions about majors and careers with Dr. Thomas.

"Dr. Thomas became a guiding light for my future," says Nathan, now a senior majoring in physics.

"Dr. Thomas has been through all of the choices I'm making, so he's got all that experience," says Nathan. "It's nice to be able to talk to him about any questions or fears I have."

Stephanie Bromm had a similar experience when she transferred to Alaska Bible College (ABC) in Glennallen, Alaska, One of the reasons Stephanie came to ABC was to grow in her understanding of the Bible. Her expectations were soon met when she started attending Bible classes taught by Kevin Newman. But she wasn't only impressed by Dr. Newman's knowledge of the Bible. She appreciated his down-to-earth personality, too.

"I came expecting that the profs would tell us the basics," Stephanie says. "I didn't expect to get to know them personally. I didn't have that at the college I'd attended before coming to ABC.

"He has a doctorate, but insists on us calling him by his first name. He hangs out and plays pingpong with us."

During Stephanie's year in ABC's Bible Certificate Program, her conversations with Dr. Newman developed into a friendship with him and his family. She joined them for dinner at their home, accompanied them to church, and babysat for Dr. Newman's kids.

What does all this mean for the freshman who's swept up in the frenzy of the college scene—trying to figure out your roommate's snoring pattern, making friends, and juggling your increased homework load and social life?

Befriending your professors may seem like it belongs on the bottom of your to-do list. But there are so many good reasons to build these relationships. Here are four:

1) Guidance and mentoring. "Students are always looking for role models," says Kimberly Budd, a professor and department chair at Judson College in Elgin, Illinois. "A professor is someone older and wiser who has gone through what you're going through."

"You can really learn from the example they present through how they live their lives," says Mary Baker, a student at Philadelphia Biblical University's Wisconsin Wilderness Campus (WWC) in Cable, Wisconsin.

"I was greatly influenced by my professors," says Mark Wells, an assistant professor of religion and philosophy at Sterling College in Sterling, Kansas. "They became my mentors. With my own students, I want to give back some of what I received from my professors."

2) Knowledge. Stephanie says she's benefited from her professors' knowledge of life and faith. "They're very knowledgeable and they have a desire to help students grow," says Stephanie. "Just get to know them personally and come to them as a student who wants to learn, both inside and outside of the classroom."

"Believe it or not, professors have a lot of knowledge, not just about their subject areas, but just about how things get done in life and the discipline it takes to accomplish your goals," Professor Wells says. "Some of that can rub off on students."

"Professors are willing to share what they know with you if you're willing to take advantage of it," Mary agrees. "We've talked about everything from dating to perplexing theological issues. Even though they're advanced in wisdom and years and experience, it's still the same world that we're trying to learn how to live in as Christians."

3) Connections. "I think I would have missed out on a lot of opportunities if I didn't have such a good relationship with Dr. Thomas," Nathan says.

For example, Dr. Thomas helped Nathan find an internship last summer. Nathan also spent a summer doing chemistry research with Dr. Thomas at Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina.

Most professors enjoy helping students obtain internships, interviews and jobs. In many ways, a student's success reflects well on professors and helps them feel the joy of contributing to a person's future.

Professor Wells and Professor Budd say they still keep in touch with former students. A Judson graduate recently stopped by Professor Budd's office with a page of questions relating to her ministry field.

"Faculty members genuinely care about the students and want to help them find their calling and carry it out," Professor Wells says. "I think for most professors, that's why we teach."

Students and professors agree you shouldn't be shy about approaching professors if you'd like to develop a friendship or mentoring relationship.

"Students sometimes think professors can read their minds, and we can't," Professor Budd says. "They need to take the initiative and ask."

"Keep in mind that professors want to know you and they want to be involved in your life," Mary says.

Many schools offer events and activities where students and faculty can interact. Inquire at your student activities office, then get involved! At my school—Bethel College in Mishawaka, Indiana—students may sign up for a small group dinner at a prof's home. Students at Judson go on a retreat with professors during their sophomore and senior years. Professors and new students at Sterling participate in a service project at the beginning of each school year. Intramurals are always a great way for students and profs to interact. (Maybe they can give you a bad grade, but you can block their shot!)

While professors are interested in your life, you must also realize they have many other students and they also have lives and families of their own. So as you work on developing relationships with your profs, it's important to keep three things in mind:

1) Professors are busy. Professor Wells has an open-door policy and says he's always willing to talk with students about their goals, hopes and dreams. Still, he says, students "shouldn't expect the professor to be available for their every whim or every wish."

"If they're in real need, students can expect the professor to try and help them out, but I don't think they should expect to take advantage of the friendship or the kindness of the professor," Professor Wells says.

2) Professors deserve respect. "While it's important to interact with professors, you still need to have huge respect for them," says Mary. "Don't get too comfortable with them—don't treat your prof like you treat your dorm friend or your pal."

As you get to know a professor, you'll be able to figure out what type of relationship is most appropriate. Some profs don't mind being considered a friend by their students, if the students remain respectful. Others may have expectations similar to Professor Budd's. "I always want to remain my students' professor, adviser and mentor," Professor Budd says, "but I would be uneasy to be called my students' friend. I think there's a healthy distance that needs to be there for respect and authority."

By the way, don't expect your professors to cut you any extra slack in the classroom because of your relationship. If anything, profs may tend to be tougher on the students they know best.

Professor Wells says he feels bad when students he knows well don't measure up to the highest standard. "The more you get to know students, the more potential you see, and when you see students not measuring up to that potential, you want to talk to them and say, 'You can do better.'"

3) Professors are not our lifelines. Professors want to guide students and advance their progress in life. It's great to have the support of our professors, but we can't expect them to constantly bail us out or have the answers to all our problems. As Professor Budd points out, it would be unhealthy for a professor to be a student's sole support system.

"Students don't need me. Students need the person of Jesus Christ first and foremost," Professor Budd says. "So I'm constantly trying to point them in the direction of Jesus, not Professor Budd."

My youth sponsor Matt was right. As strange as it sounded when he first said it, it's true: Professors can be among the best friends you make during your college years. And some of the relationships you build with these wise leaders may last a lifetime.

Karen graduated recently from Bethel College in Mishawaka, Indiana, with degrees in journalism and liberal studies. She's planning to live overseas before settling down into a "real job."

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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