So it's a done deal. You've made your college choice. You've paid your deposit. Now you're ready to go. But as you pull down streamers left over from your graduation party, a crucial question lingers: What will my roommate be like? Struggling through a freshman dorm disaster with two difficult roommates and spending an exciting sophomore year in an on-campus house with seven other girls allowed me to encounter a wide variety of roommates. Through these experiences, I've discovered most roommates fit into one or more of the following character types: - Stay-Awake Stacey
Stacey checks her e-mail late at night, leaving you gripping your sheets in frustration as the beeeeep psh psh wrrrrr chhhhh sound pierces into your much-needed slumber. However, when you're craving a Slurpee at 1 a.m., Stacey's your girl. - Messy Melissa
Melissa doesn't freak out when you insist on putting off your overflowing laundry until you can do it for free when you go home for Fall Break. But she also uses the hot pot to make macaroni and cheese (by the way—an excellent dorm-room cooking tip) and leaves it unwashed for days while the crusty cheese and molding noodles cement together in a smelly glob. - Neat 'n Tidy Nicole
Nicole sometimes uses your T-shirts as dusting rags during her cleaning frenzies. "Hey, if you're going to leave them lying around…" she says, tossing you a once-white T-shirt now inhabited by a family of dust mites. On the plus side, you never have to worry about failing dorm inspections. - Borrower Becky
In accordance with her "what's yours is mine" philosophy, Becky feels no need to ask before using your belongings, nor does she see any reason to tell you about the mysterious stain on the sleeve of your white sweater. But when you need just the perfect footwear to complete your outfit for your date Friday night, you can borrow from Becky's shoe mountain totally guilt-free. - Homebody Heather
Heather spends most of her time in the room and makes for great company when you're in the mood to hang out—she's always up for watching a movie or playing cards. Unfortunately, there's no escaping her when you want some alone time after one of those days—the kind where you bombed a quiz, tripped on your way into the chemistry lab in front of four cute baseball players and dropped a plateful of the cafeteria's greenish meatloaf on your lap.
How to Cope with These Characters
No matter who your future living companion may be or what kind of living situation you find yourself in at college, be prepared to make some adjustments and compromises. I've found the following tips helpful in getting along with roommates of all types. - Be honest
Too often I kept quiet about things my roommates did that bothered me. Looking back, I realize they probably had no clue those things annoyed me so much. If you aren't honest and straightforward about what bothers you, you have no right to be frustrated about your roommate's habits.
- Choose your battles
On the other hand, if you grumble about every little incident, you will quickly be tuned out. So before you complain about an issue, ask yourself if it truly demands attention, or if it's something you can learn to bear. One of my roommates often left half-full cups from Burger King in the refrigerator for weeks. It annoyed me but I never mentioned it to her; I just threw the cups away myself when I noticed the Coke starting to curdle. However, when money turned up missing from my desk drawer several times, I confronted my roommates about it. After the confrontation, I didn't have any more problems with missing money. But just a word of caution, don't be too hasty to place blame in situations like this. Before confronting, you should be sure your roommate is the true culprit. And when you point out the problem, do so graciously.
- Bite your tongue
Sometimes, subtlety can solve a problem where harsh words would only inflame tempers. My frustration peaked toward the end of my freshman year after being the only one to ever take out the trash. So one day, I swallowed a mouthful of sarcastic comments and placed the sealed trash bag directly in the doorway between our room and the bathroom. After stepping over the garbage all day, one of my roommates took the hint and carried the bag to the dumpster. I likely could have achieved the same result by gently asking for assistance. The important thing is to restrain words that threaten to overflow from irritation and impatience. And when it comes to roommate problems, sarcasm has been known to cause more problems than it solves, so avoid using it.
- Find support
For those times when you're stressed out over roommate tension, you'll need a reliable, patient friend who can listen to your frustrations, offer advice and divert your attention. When I needed to get away from my room freshman year, I wandered next door for relief—the year-long Yahtzee tournament with my suitemates was a big help. But if you have a serious issue that needs to be discussed and dealt with, you may want to talk to your resident adviser.
- Be respectful
Perhaps your roommate hits the snooze button five times every morning. Resist the temptation to get even by switching on the lights and blasting your music when you come in late at night. Returning respect for rudeness may not change anything between you and your roommate, but then again, it might. Retaliation can only make matters worse.
- Be willing to listen
Everyone has a story and a past, and sometimes issues run deeper than they seem. When I took time to listen to a roommate's difficult family situation, my sympathy and patience for her increased greatly. Taking time to get to the heart of matters tends to help the surface symptoms make more sense.
- Pray
"God, please tell Christie to shower more often" isn't quite what I mean here. Instead, pray for God to change your attitude and give you wisdom. And pray for your roommate's needs. At first, your prayers may be nothing but an act of will power, but keep at it—God will bless your efforts and gradually soften your heart. You can even begin praying for your roommate situation before you arrive on campus.
- Keep a healthy distance
Even if you're rooming with your best friend, tension and irritation will build if you don't spend some time apart. Everyone needs their space, so make sure you each have your own schedule with time away from each other. My suitemates were good friends and both on the basketball team, so they saw a lot of each other. But because of their different majors, they had some separate friends and study groups, which gave them much-needed time apart.
- Be flexible
You might get the urge to stay up late and watch a movie on the same night that your roommate has a big test at 8 the next morning. But living with another person means you both have to make some compromises to accommodate each other. My creative energy normally picks up around midnight, but my sophomore year roommate usually said goodnight by 11 p.m., so many times I took my studying to another room or out in the hallway.
- Keep your sense of humor
This may be the most important tip of all. In any college living situation, crazy things can't help but happen. You're setting yourself up for a rough year if you let every little incident get to you. So let matters roll off your shoulders instead of dwelling on them, and laugh off the little and unimportant things. Remember, events that seem like a big deal now may become great story-telling material later.
Whomever your future roommate turns out to be—whether you become the best of friends or whether you decide you'd rather retake the SAT 100 times than live with him or her again—remember that God can use your rooming situation to teach you valuable lessons and to further mold you into the person he wants you to be. Karen is a junior majoring in journalism at Bethel College in Mishawaka, Indiana. She says her roommate Kim is great because "she's very neat but doesn't freak out about my messes." 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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