My parents have decided not to let me take my car to college. I don't know how I'm going to survive! How can I convince them it's a necessity?

For a car to be a true necessity in college, you would have to be a commuting student. And I wouldn't want you to miss the learning that comes from a residential experience in college—or miss the fun and friendships that dorm life can offer.

Many colleges and universities do not allow freshmen to have cars on campus anyway. Reasons range from not having enough parking to wanting students to fully participate in campus activities, including their studies! If you have a car, it can be too tempting to run off campus, to do your own thing, or to meet up with your former high school friends, rather than hanging out and getting to know people at your new school.

If you really need to get somewhere, you can usually find someone who can take you there. Many schools provide transportation to local shopping and businesses. To begin college without a car is not the end of the world. You'll be able to deal with it!

I've heard a lot of people gain weight their freshman year of college, which scares me. How can I avoid putting on the pounds?

Some people jokingly refer to the weight gain you describe as the "Freshman Fifteen." How ever, there's little humor in that phrase for those who struggle with the problem. Thinking about the possibility ahead of time, and planning how to avoid extra pounds, as you are doing by asking this question, is part of your answer. Also, consider your current eating patterns. Are you careful to eat appropriate amounts of nutritious food at regular meal times? Do you watch your snack intake? You should be able to continue the healthy eating and self-control you are now experiencing.

If, on the other hand, your eating habits aren't so great, you should be aware of the many opportunities to indulge at college—including some that can really pack on the pounds. Many college food services serve buffet style, which means unlimited amounts of food readily available to those who purchase a food plan. That can be pretty tempting. Another temptation is late-night snacking, a pattern many students fall into when they're studying or socializing. You can handle these temptations by going for the salad bar and/or the fruit bowls first, and then carefully selecting your entree and monitoring the amount you take. Ordering a pizza at midnight can be fun on occasion, but as a regular practice it can lead to weight gain. Keep some bottled water, fruit and other healthy foods on hand. They'll serve as healthy alternatives when you have the munchies.

Also, stay active! Take the stairs. Ride your bike. Go for a walk with your friends. Walking can help keep the pounds off, relieve stress, and even help bond a friendship. If you like more vigorous exercise, make it a part of your regular routine. Along with all that, just trekking across campus and running up and down dorm stairs will no doubt provide a lot of "unplanned" exercise!

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. But we've decided to go to different colleges, which are pretty far away from each other. I like her a lot and don't really want our relationship to end, but I think dating long-distance could be tough. What should I do?

Talk honestly with her. Tell her exactly what you told me. You're looking at your situation very realistically, and she needs to do that, too. Long-distance relationships can be a challenge. But they're not impossible, if you both decide to try it. E-mail is a great way to stay in touch, and the phone still works well, too—though it's easy to rack up huge phone bills, which you'll want to avoid. It could be fun to visit each other's campuses over a long weekend. For instance, you'll probably befriend some female students at your school. Your girlfriend could possibly stay with them during a short visit.

On the other hand, you may want to give each other more freedom to be open to other relationships. It may be a little too early for a serious commitment to each other. After all, you're at a point where life opens up many new opportunities and possibilities. Students change a lot in college, and you may find that you grow apart for good reasons.

Whatever you decide, I encourage you both to make your relationship a matter of prayer. If your relationship is God-honoring and pure, you'll never regret the time you spent together. If you think there is a future for you, offer that possibility up to God and invite him to show you whether or not you two have a future together. If your relationship isn't healthy or pleasing to God, having some distance from each other may help you see that more clearly. If you're right for each other, being separated for a while won't diminish the quality of your relationship. It will, in fact, strengthen your love for one another.

I'm getting nervous about leaving for college. None of my friends are going to my school, and I'm afraid I'll have a hard time fitting in. Just thinking about it makes me homesick. Please help!

As you head off to college, some anxiety is natural. There are a lot of new challenges awaiting you, and that can be both exciting and terrifying! Many of your future college friends are feeling the same way right now, so you're not alone. That means a lot of people will be eager to connect with you and form friendships.

So participate when you get to campus. Whether it's an orientation activity, or an event sponsored by your floor in the dorm, or a tryout for a music group, jump in! Getting involved in college activities makes it far more likely that you'll do well grade-wise, that you'll finish college, and that you'll be satisfied with your experience. At the same time, don't sign up for too many extracurricular activities; it's easy to get over-involved.

You will probably need to take some initiative by introducing yourself to people and starting conversations. You've developed some skill in establishing relationships by now, and those abilities will be enhanced in college. Sitting in your room waiting for people to come to you won't work. Whatever has interested you in high school—like music, theater, sports—would be good areas to explore for participation in college.

Remember the parable of the talents? (See Matthew 25:14-30.) Burying your talents is not an option. College is a great time to invest those gifts and talents and multiply them, so that you can be useful to God in a world that needs to know him. Don't be afraid. Look upon this as an adventure and a great opportunity. (For more help on making the adjustment, see "Welcome to College")

I don't think my mom is quite ready for me to go away to college. She's been really possessive lately, and when I want to be left alone, she nags me until I tell her what's wrong. I actually overheard her saying she feels like I'm rejecting her by going away. How can I convince her to let go?

"Letting go" is difficult for most parents. Just try to imagine how she's feeling right now. She's nurtured and supported you through all of your life. But the loving role she's played for so many years is about to end. It must be very painful for her. You can help your mom adjust to this reality of your leaving home. And you can actually strengthen your relationship with her in the process, as you move toward an adult friendship.

Rather than forcing her to "nag" you for information, why not make a choice to tell her some of what you are thinking and planning? You may not realize how much you are shutting her out as you try to establish yourself "on your own." Be honest with her when you do need some space to think. Tell her this is a huge adjustment for you, too, and you have to process some of it on your own.

The more your mom sees you making wise decisions, behaving in mature ways, the more she can relax and celebrate these changes in you. Try to be reassuring in the way you respond to her, and in the choices you make. Ask God to help you show respect and love. Most of all, ask him to help you see the situation from your mom's point of view. Right now your mom feels like she's "losing" you. Hopefully these suggestions will help you get through this time of transition and feel like both of you have "won."

I have a learning disability, which makes studying pretty tough for me. It seems to take me twice as long as other people to read and comprehend my assignments. Because of this, I'm afraid of falling behind when I get to college. Do you have any suggestions?

If those who have worked with you in high school believe you can succeed in college, you can go with confidence. Talk to those teachers and other professionals who know your strengths and limitations. Ask them to give you some specific suggestions that will help get you off to a good start. And during your first semester, be sure you take a reasonable course load. Don't overload yourself with work. As you adjust, you'll get a better sense of how many courses you can take without falling behind. Also, many campuses have faculty hired to provide support for students with learning disabilities. Before you arrive on campus, find out what kind of assistance they offer.

To be honest, you may need to spend more time studying than some other students. Just be deliberate about carving out adequate time to read and process information. You'll also have to be realistic about the extracurricular activities you can participate in, given the time it takes for you to complete your work. But don't worry about not having a social life. College provides many ways for you to connect with people. Use meal times and study breaks to your advantage. Remember that God's strength is available to us in our weaknesses. Trust him for help.

Judy Moseman is Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students at Bethel College (MN).

Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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