I just found out I'll be living in a suite with four other girls next year at college. I'm really freaked out about college, and I'm scared I'll hate it. I'm especially nervous about my living arrangement and how to make it work. How do we decide who gets which bed? Should we set up some rules before we get there or after we've arrived? I don't want my living situation to be so unhappy that it interferes with my school work. Can you help me?

It sounds like you're dreading the social aspects of college life rather than seeing them as a great adventure. I hope we can reduce your worry and help you relax.

Let's begin with the basics: Prayer. Starting right now, give all your concerns to God and trust him to make everything come together. His Word tells you to "not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). God can help you keep your concerns in perspective—all you need to do is ask.

As for your questions about your future roommates, I want to reassure you that you'll probably be able to work things out just fine. Most people really want to get along with others, especially people they live with. Be flexible and expect that your roommates will be too. Take your concern about the beds, for example. Whoever gets to the room first will have to select a bed, or at least a side of the room, so she can begin to settle in. So if you get there later and aren't happy with the choice left to you, don't assume it's the end of the world. You can always talk about it and work out an agreement.

If you and your roommates arrive close to the same time, you can make some decisions together about how to divide up the space, including the beds. After you've been together a while and have a pretty good understanding of each other's needs, you might want to move the furniture around. You might even have to give in on one thing to get something else that's more important to you. For instance, maybe you agree to take the bed by the door in exchange for using the bigger closet. Choose your battles carefully. Don't make everything an issue. Be a peacemaker and help bring people together to talk things out.

Instead of worrying, think about how much fun it will be to live with four new friends. Often your first contacts in the residence hall result in lifelong friendships. You're on the threshold of some wonderful changes and new experiences. With God's help, I think you'll be happier in college than you ever imagined!

My reputation in high school is pretty bad because of some things I did in the past. I've tried to clean up my act, but I still get tempted to do things I shouldn't, like party and mess around with girls. I'm going to a Christian college next year, and I really want to start over and try to get my life back together. How can I find friends who will help me stay on track and not get into trouble again?

I'm really happy for you—you want to live better. You want to change those old sinful patterns in your life. God delights to hear you say that. First of all, I hope you have told God what you have told me. That kind of talk is called repentance. You are ready to give up the wrong things you have been doing and live in a way that is pleasing to God. Whatever you have done, God's grace and forgiveness are available to you for the asking. Start there.

Then start living like a forgiven person, because you are. You have a great chance to start over when you go off to college. Nobody knows what you did before. You can start out right by asking God to help you overcome temptation and do the right thing. It isn't a sin to be tempted; we are all tempted to do wrong. It's putting ourselves in a place where temptation thrives, or giving in to the temptation, that gets us in trouble. God tells us clearly that there isn't any temptation he can't help us resist (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I want to caution you to not expect a Christian college to be a temptation-free zone. If you want to sin, you'll be able to find somebody there to do it with you. But a Christian college offers lots of ways for you to start over. Take friends, for example. Choose your friends carefully and wisely. Don't settle in with one group of friends too quickly. Wait until you get a sense of who will be good for you and build you up instead of tear you down.

So how can you find the kinds of friends who'll support you? Start with your faith. If you want to grow in your faith and live a Christian life, find others who do too. Get involved in activities like chapel, a Bible study or a fellowship group. As you get to know people, find someone who would be willing to hold you accountable for your behavior. That assumes, of course, you'll be honest with them. Be honest with yourself about what this all means for you. If you're truly ready to change, there will be lots of people to help you.

College is a great opportunity for you to make good decisions. But if you do stumble, don't beat yourself up for it and don't give up. Get help. Those of us on the staff and faculty at Christian colleges want to help students who desire to turn their lives around. We want to support students as they seek to change. God does transform lives. That's his business. He offers you grace and hope. Just think: You can leave your past behind you and be known for following God. Now that's a great reputation!

I've been a Christian my whole life and I go to a Christian college, but some of the things we talk about in class have really made me doubt my faith. It's not that the profs aren't Christians, it's just that they ask some difficult questions about faith that I've never thought about and can't really answer. I'm starting to wonder if I even believe in God. I don't want to lose my faith, but I just don't know what to do about all these doubts.

What you're experiencing is actually pretty common among college students: You are in the process of making your faith your own. College is an important time for spiritual formation, for discovering what your faith means to you, rather than what it means to your parents or your youth leader. You are in a wonderful environment for asking and answering those tough faith questions. Be patient and take your time.

I talked to several college students, and they wanted me to assure you that doubt can be a good thing. It is important for you to examine what you truly believe. You'll always have questions for which there are no easy answers, but never stop asking them. As you seek—and sometimes find—answers to those questions, your faith will deepen and truly become your own.

You don't have to be ashamed of your doubts. And you don't need to struggle with them all alone. Talk about your questions with a faculty member you respect. If that's too big a leap for you, talk with someone on staff in your residence hall, a coach, a dean, a campus pastor, or even a good friend. Meet with that person once a week or once a month to talk, pray and discuss the changes you're experiencing.

Thinking about God in ways you've never really thought about him before doesn't necessarily mean you'll lose your faith. In Jeremiah 29:13, God says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." God is not threatened by your honest questions. He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you, and no question you ask can change that. When you ask God to help you in the midst of your doubts, your faith will not be lost—it will ultimately be strengthened.

The college I'm going to next year requires freshmen to live in the dorms. I'm a very private person, and I don't think I can handle living with all those people. I can't study when there's a lot of noise. There are times I just don't feel like talking to people. Do you think it'll be possible for me to keep my privacy in the dorm?

Yes, it will be possible for you to keep some privacy even while living in a dorm. One way to get privacy, of course, is to request a private room. I wouldn't advise it, however, and most schools do not have enough space to provide private rooms. If they do, it costs extra. So let's assume you'll be living with a roommate.

Start by communicating your preferences early on, even before you meet your roommate. When you find out who you'll be living with, write a letter to let your future roomie know a little about you. In a friendly tone, let your roommate know you're a quiet person who likes to spend time alone. That will give your future roommate a good idea of what to expect before the two of you even meet.

Once you get to college, organize your room in a way that helps create some areas of privacy. Making a loft for your beds can provide an area below your bunk to put your own stuff. You and your roommate will probably have different schedules, allowing you some time alone in the room. If not, you can negotiate some times where you can each be in the room by yourself for quiet study, devotional time, or uninterrupted sleep or thought.

Outside of the dorm, most campuses have quiet spaces, like the library, student lounges, or less-travelled hallways, where students can study or do devotions in peace. I often see students in quiet corners early and late in the day—times when others aren't as likely to be around.

While there's nothing wrong with being a private person, I hope college will be a time for you to open yourself up to new relationships and meet "all those people" about whom you are expressing concern. You can meet them one-on-one and start to gradually reduce your need to be alone. You can learn a lot about yourself by being with other people.

The discomfort you experience at first will probably lessen with time, and you'll be better prepared for the world of work after college. Many workplaces today have fairly open environments with private spaces available only for the leadership of the organization. You may get to that level, but probably not without a lot of "noise" and people on the way up. I hope you'll make the most of your college experience and find a balance between time alone and time with new friends.

I attend a college a few hours away from my parents. I love my parents and all, but sometimes I dread going home. I don't have problems there or anything, but whenever I'm home, I can't wait to get back to college. At school, I've found a good church and a great group of Christian friends who are like family to me. Is it wrong to not want to go home and be with my family?

Is it wrong to not want to go home? No! Would I recommend that you not go home? No. You need to enjoy your new and growing independence from your parents. It's a natural part of life, so there's no need to feel guilty about it. On the other hand, you need to continue to honor your parents, and you don't want to lose your relationship with them. Your friends may come and go, but your family is always your family. The key to your situation is balance.

This is an important time for you to be respectful of your parents and sensitive to what they're going through now that you're at college. They miss you! They want to see you! Remember: You've moved on to new and wonderful experiences, but you've also left a hole in your mom and dad's life. So talk honestly with them about your feelings and about how important your friends are to you. Assure them that you're doing well at school and are enjoying your new relationships.

Plan times when you'll come home for a weekend or a school break. That way they have something to look forward to. If the drive isn't too long, you could go home for just a Saturday and still have some weekend time on campus to see your friends and attend your new church. You could invite your parents to visit you for the weekend. They would probably love to meet your new friends and visit the church you like so much.

As your new friendships grow and deepen, it won't be so hard for you to be away from campus for a while. You'll realize you can occasionally miss a night of hanging out, and life goes on. Besides, your friends' parents will want to see them, too, so you'll have to be apart sometime! When you do go home, do it with a happy heart—show your love and appreciation for your family by having a great attitude.

Judy Moseman is Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students at Bethel College (MN).

Questions you would like considered for this column should be sent to: Campus Q & A, Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. You can also reach Campus Q & A via fax (630-260-0114) or e-mail (CLMag@campuslife.net).

Copyright (c) 1999 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc./Campus Life magazine. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or e-mail CLMag@campuslife.net.

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