I flopped down on my bed and leafed through my stack of college brochures for the millionth time. It was the middle of my senior year, and I felt really overwhelmed. I'd applied to ten colleges and been accepted at nine. Lots of people had given me advice about which one I should choose. But I still had no clue about where I should go. I wanted more than advice. I wanted a phone call from God.

Instead, I had a rejection letter in my hand from my top college choice. I'd applied early, because it sounded like such a good fit. When I visited campus, I felt really comfortable. I liked the professors I met, and I knew I could see myself there. But a few weeks after that great campus visit, I received a rejection letter. Of all the schools I applied to, I wasn't sure which one I liked second-best. I'd spent a ton of time praying about colleges—and lots of time visiting and applying, too. But I didn't feel like there was another "right fit" for me. I felt alone, like God wasn't answering my prayers. I felt like he'd let me down.

I sighed and leaned back on my pillow.

God, I prayed. I need your help. I have no idea where to go.

I left my stack of brochures on the bed and headed downstairs for dinner. As Mom and I cleared the plates after our meal, she said, "I think you should apply to one more college."

"Why?" I asked miserably, handing her a dish. "So I can be more confused?"

"No," she said. "I've been praying about you . . ."

"Yeah," I cut her off. "A lot of good that's done."

"You have to be patient," my mom said. "And I have an idea. My friend from Bible study has a daughter who's going to Calvin College. She really likes it there."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not going to a school because one of your friends sends their kid there," I said, annoyed.

"Hear me out. It's only four hours away from here and it's supposed to be a great school. I hope you don't mind, but I downloaded some information for you so you can check it out," she said, handing me a stack of papers. "There's also an application there."

"Fine," I said, grabbing the papers out of her hand. "I'll look it over, but I'm not promising I'll apply."

I leaned against the kitchen counter and skimmed the college stats. I liked the size and campus location, and I liked what the information said about spiritual life on campus.

I began to feel like applying there wasn't such a bad idea after all. But when I flipped to the application, my heart sank. There were three essays to write, plus three teacher recommendations. Even though I'd written a ton of essays, I'd never written on any of the topics they required.

"Yeah, it looks great, but there's no way I can get the application done on time and go visit the college."

"You can," Mom said, without missing a beat. "But you'll have to get started right away, because the deadline is in a few weeks."

"I'll try," I said, shaking my head. "But I doubt this is the place for me."

That night, I looked over Calvin's website. I loved everything about it—the class sizes, the majors they offered and all the dorm activities. But I was also afraid. I didn't want to be rejected again. And I wasn't sure I wanted to do all that work if Calvin would be wrong for me.

OK, Lord, I prayed. If this is totally ridiculous, please start shutting doors.

In a little over two weeks, I wrote my essays and my teachers got their recommendations together. I dropped my application in the mail on the way to school.

God, if this is where I'm supposed to be, please show me, I prayed as I opened the heavy mailbox door and dropped in the thick envelope.

The following weekend, my mom and I drove to Grand Rapids, Michigan. When we finally arrived at Calvin's campus, I held my breath. It was bigger than I had pictured; it was also prettier than I'd imagined.

My mom and I went on the campus tour, ate lunch in the dining room, and talked with some of the professors. I instantly felt like the professors were interested in me academically and spiritually. Since I wasn't sure what I wanted to major in, I liked that Calvin was a liberal arts school, which meant I would take a ton of general education classes my freshman and sophomore years. That way I'd get a good idea if English or political science or some other subject that I hadn't considered was the right one for me to major in.

That night, before my mom headed back to her hotel, she walked me to the dorm where I was spending the night.

"I feel really good about this place," she said, handing me my overnight bag.

I smiled, but I couldn't hold back my tears. I loved Calvin, but I still wasn't accepted and I honestly didn't know if I would be. A lump formed in my throat. I didn't think I could face rejection again.

"Do you think this is where I'm supposed to be?" I asked.

My mom shrugged her shoulders. "If it is," she said, "everything will work out and you'll get accepted. You need to trust God on this one."

"It's so hard," I said, feeling tears sliding down my cheeks. "I feel like I've been trusting him this whole time and yet I still don't know where to go."

Mom asked me to pray with her. "Lord, if this is where you want Amy to go," she prayed, "give her peace and patience. Help her to follow you in this decision, whether you want her to go to Calvin or some other place."

I smiled and wiped away my tears. Then I slowly made my way into the dorm.

Before I even unpacked, my hosts, Jane and Kendra, took me to an all-dorm devo called Late Night. After that, we went to the dorm's rec room to meet more people and to play pool.

"So is Calvin the place for you?" Kendra asked me.

"I really like it," I said. "But I haven't been accepted yet. I honestly don't know where I'll go if I don't get accepted here."

Jane looked at me thoughtfully. "Have you been praying about it?" she asked.

I nodded, but felt sheepish for doubting God.

"If you get in that would be really cool," Jane said, "but God totally has a plan for you, either here or at another great school."

When we finally got into bed around three the next morning, I finally felt a sense of peace. I felt like Calvin was where I was supposed to go, but I knew, like Jane said, that God would show me his plan for me.

Lord, I prayed, I'm sorry for ever doubting you. This is all in your hands.

When I got back home and settled back into my usual routine, I couldn't help but think about my application at Calvin. Weeks passed and I didn't hear anything. I started to get nervous.

Then one day after school, my mom met me at our front door. She was waving a white envelope.

I took it out of her hand.

God, I prayed. I trust you and I know that everything is totally in your control.

I took a deep breath and ripped it open.

"Congratulations," I read out loud. "We're happy to inform you that you've been accepted …"

My eyes filled with tears. I hugged my mom.

"I'm going to Calvin," I cried. "I'm really going."

I knew I'd finally found the college that was the perfect fit for me. And a place I could now call home.

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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