Q. My parents want me to go to a big state school. That's what they both did, and they loved it. But I think I'd rather go to a smaller Christian college. How can I convince them that what worked for them might not be the best place for me?

A. What a great opportunity for you to have "grown-up" conversations with your parents! Working through this college decision with them could really enhance your communication and strengthen your relationship. Maybe you could take them out for coffee, buy them each a triple mocha latte, and work together to come up with a plan for choosing a college. The goal should not necessarily be to "convince them," but to fully explore the possibilities and hope that you all come to the same conclusion.

Acknowledge the good experience they had at the state school, and be honest about why you're interested in a Christian college. Ask them to allow you to at least explore the Christian college option. But assure them that you want to do this with them. Let them know you promise to update them about what you're finding out, and that you'll come to them often for advice and guidance.

Be sure to include their alma mater on your list of schools to consider. Send for written information and check the Web sites for each school on your list. It may be easy for you and your parents to rule out some of your options right away based on things like location, or lack of a program in which you have an interest, such as an academic major or an extracurricular activity. Then invite your parents to go with you as you visit some of the schools that interest you.

If you are drawn toward one of the smaller Christian colleges, do what you can to help your parents understand why this would be a good fit for you. Try to help them realize that you are your own person with different needs and preferences, and that what was good for them "back then" just may not be the best for you today. Talk with them about how the schools you like fit who you are and the kind of college experience you want to have. If possible, find a friend of theirs who went to a Christian college. Ask your parents to talk to this person about their experience and why going to a Christian college would be a good thing for you to do. I'd also encourage your parents to talk to a Christian school's admissions personnel about the benefits of going there.

Being actively involved in the discussion with your parents in a mature and respectful manner will be good for all of you. And, of course, pray that God will work in all of the circumstances and conversations to guide you toward the school that is best for you, and to help you and your parents agree on which college that will be.

Q. My best friend and I have decided to apply to the same school. But my youth pastor says that's probably not the best idea. He's encouraged us to go to different schools so we can make new friends. I think he feels we depend on each other too much. We've been best friends since first grade. It's kind of hard to imagine not being around each other. Do you think it's OK for us to look at the same schools or do you think we should listen to my youth pastor?

A. Youth pastors are worth listening to. And by the way you worded your question, I can tell you understand your youth pastor's concerns. I agree with him that this is a great time for you and your best friend to expand your horizons and make some new friends. But I also think that can happen even if you both attend the same school. However, you both need to explore your options and choose the school that is best for you personally. If it happens that you choose the same one, you can take some of your youth pastor's advice by not being roommates. Instead, you can make it work by living in different residence halls, or at least on different floors of the same dorm. Make an effort to participate in activities because you enjoy doing them, and not because they're things your friend likes to do.

Many friendships change during the college years. You may grow apart from your friend, even if you are enrolled at the same college. That's why it's so important that you and your friend each be led by God to the college that fits you best. I hope you both have a great experience wherever that may be, and that your friendship, along with the others you make in college, will be a lifelong blessing!

Q. I've grown up living right down the street from a Christian college. I've always thought it was a good school, but I never thought I'd go there because I wouldn't really be "going away" to college. I did check it out, though, along with several other schools. And actually, out of the six schools I've visited, it's at the top of my list. It has everything I'm looking for. I just wish I could move it a few hundred miles away. Is the fact that it's so close a good enough reason to choose another school that I don't like as well?

A. Absolutely NOT! Countless students go to college close to home, even though they probably don't live on the same street. That is close! But there are ways to "go away to college," even if you live next door to the school you choose.

First of all, don't live at home. Most schools would rather have you live in campus housing for at least your first year there. Dorm life can be a wonderful way to connect with both students and campus activities. For many students, the dorm is the place to make lasting friendships. And while you may decide to eventually live off campus, I think starting your freshman year in the dorm is a great way to go.

Once you move in to the residence hall, don't go home at all for the first few weeks of class. (Talk with your parents about this so they understand and know what to expect.) Pretend you've gone far away to school. Like other students in the dorm, keep in touch with your parents with phone calls and e-mails. By not visiting for a while, you'll have a better chance of making college your home away from home. Get to know your roommate(s), students on your floor, and others in your building or in other dorms. Be intentional about making new relationships.

After you have gotten connected, you'll find advantages to being close to home—like being able to do your laundry without needing a roll of quarters for the machines! Free snacks and home cooking can be another occasional bonus, a nice change from the school cafeteria—but don't overdo it. It can also be great to have a place to invite your friends to hang out from time to time. Students that are far from their own family like to be invited into a home and get out of the dorm for a while. If your parents aren't open to that, you can be the "guide" for your new friends, showing them the best local places for pizza and fun!

Another way to "get away" is to check out your school's study-abroad programs. They're very popular and fit almost any interest. You may also find semester programs of study within the USA. These kinds of opportunities can give you experience in living away for a short time and enrich your education as you go.

Q. I thought I wanted to go to a Christian college, but one of my teachers has made me question whether or not that's the best choice. He said it won't prepare me for the real world because I'll be surrounded by Christians and that's not realistic. Is he right?

A. Christian college students are not immune to the real world, nor are they separated from it. Real world issues and temptations will surround them: eating disorders, addictions, sex, stresses, sin. Both on and off campus there will be "real life" issues you'll face as you try to live out your Christian faith. In any setting there are challenges for us as God's people to learn how to live justly, to avoid sin, to love one's neighbor, to serve others as Jesus did, and to reconcile people to God and to each other.

But here is the real advantage of a Christian education: Through Christ-centered studies and campus ministry opportunities, you'll have the opportunity to form a Christian worldview. And it is through this important lens that you'll learn to see and respond to the world around you—including the world on campus. Then think about the future: A solid Christian worldview, fine-tuned and tried out on a Christian campus and the surrounding community, will equip you for life after college—a life that will hopefully make a significant difference in a world that needs God.

Q. I've never been a good test taker, so my ACT scores are pretty average. How much will this affect whether or not I get accepted to the school I want to attend?

A. I decided to run your question by a few college students. Their advice could be summed up by what two students told me. One said you should prepare and retake the test, hoping to improve your score. She took it a second time, improved her score, and as a result was awarded more scholarship dollars. So for her, the extra time and trouble were well worth it. Another student said not to worry about your score, that you probably could be accepted at many colleges if your grades are good and you have other things to offer. You can still be a good student in college even with an average ACT score.

I think both viewpoints are helpful. If you believe you could improve your score, it would probably be worth it to retake the ACT. If you apply to one of the schools which sorts and reviews applicants based on more than just test scores, you may find that your academic record and your leadership abilities help you be accepted.

After you are accepted at a college, I'd encourage you to study hard and set high expectations for yourself. And if your school offers academic support, sign up for sessions on how to improve your test-taking skills. That will benefit you in your regular course work and exams. Many students who did not have high test scores do very well in college. Your score on the ACT neither limits nor guarantees your success in the future.

Q. I've been offered an athletic scholarship to a state school. This university also has a really good program for what I want to major in. But I really want to go to a Christian college. I know I won't get as much money, though, and the school itself will cost more. It will be tough for my parents, especially since my older sister is in college right now, too. Do you think this is God's way of telling me to go to the state school?

A. Making important decisions like where to go to college requires careful and prayerful processing and discernment. You have a lot of factors to take into consideration before you decide on the right school. Before you accept the scholarship you should ask athletes at that college how being on scholarship affects their lives as students. When you're on an athletic scholarship, the demands from your sport can be time-consuming. You may be able to be more balanced as a Christian, as a student, and as an athlete at the Christian college.

It may help you to know that you will probably receive more financial aid since two from your family are in college. You may discover that the Christian college cannot award you for athletics, but they can give you scholarship dollars for other ways in which you've distinguished yourself. Tell them about your other offer, so that they will help you look for ways to afford their school.

As you seek information and visit both campuses, you can trust God to help you decide. Once you know where you really want to go, and God confirms your choice, go with enthusiasm and make the most of your experience!

Q. I've wanted to go to a Christian college for a real long time because I thought it would help me grow in my faith. But this friend of mine went off to a Christian college last year and now she's really struggling with her beliefs. The thing is, he was a strong Christian before she went to college! How can this be? I'm beginning to wonder if I should even go to college at all! I sure don't want to lose my faith!

A. Struggling with our beliefs hap-pens to many of us at one time or another and does not necessarily lead to losing one's faith. The college is probably not the cause of your friend's struggles. People can stumble anywhere. Your concerns may arise from choices your friend is making while she struggles—choices which move her away from God rather than keep her in conversation with him.

God isn't threatened by our hard questions. And when it comes to wrestling with those questions, I can't think of a better place to be than at a Christian college. There you are surrounded by professors and staff who can hear your heart and help you deal with issues from a biblical base. College is a good time to ask questions, seek answers and come to a faith that is reasoned and sure of itself.

In college you will become a different person, probably more mature and wise, with the potential for your beliefs to be strengthened and deepened. As you struggle with your beliefs in a Christian environment, you can expect to eventually reach new levels of understanding and joy as you grow in your knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Maybe you could ask a friend to be like Epaphras was for the church at Colosse, someone who would be "always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in the will of God, mature and fully assured" (Colossians 4:12). I pray that you'll not only "keep the faith" but grow greatly wherever the future leads!

Q. Some of the colleges I'm looking at recommend an admissions interview. What's involved in this and how important is it? If I have an interview, how should I prepare for it?

A. If a college recommends an interview, then it's important. They want to be able to make the best possible decision about your "fit" at their school. Seeing you in person or talking to you over the phone helps them determine how well you think and articulate your thoughts, and how serious you are about being there. It's yet another way for them to learn more about you, which will help them decide if you're "right" for their school.

To prepare for the interview, think carefully about your personal goals and reasons why this particular school will help you meet them. Be confident in what you have to offer the college. Talk about yourself and your experiences with honesty and enthusiasm.

Remember, the interview helps you too. You may learn some things about the school that help you decide if it's a good match for you. So think of the interview as a "getting-to-know-you" conversation with a potential friend.

Above all, trust God to use the interview to give you direction. Relax and trust that God will help the interviewers see who you really are and make the right decision about you. The outcome is really in God's hands, so you can approach the interview with comfort and with confidence.

Q. Some of the Christian colleges I'm looking at want students to sign a "code of conduct" that says we won't drink alcohol, smoke or have sex. A few are even stricter than that, like not allowing guys to visit girls' dorm rooms. Why do they want me to sign this? Don't they trust me to make my own decisions? What if I don't agree with everything on it?

A. It's helpful when colleges are up front about their expectations. That gives you every opportunity to decide which college community you want to be a part of. And "community" is an important word here, because that's just what each school is trying to establish. That's why a lot of Christian schools set up codes of conduct: They want to create a community of students, staff and faculty who follow God's commandments.

Try to think of the code of conduct as a positive expression of what the school is about. They're concerned with more than just your brain. They are trying to create a positive environment where you can live and learn and maximize your education without worrying about the hazards of alcohol, drugs, cheating, etc. They are also trying to encourage godly living and holiness in the lives of students. They want you to think carefully about the choices you make, while you are a student and beyond.

Many students are willing to give up some of their personal "rights" when they enroll in schools with a code of conduct, because they see something so good there that they want to be a part of it. Their former "lifestyle" is less important to them than the opportunity to be part of the mission of that school. For someone who has participated in alcohol use, for example, it can be helpful to be in an environment where drinking is not allowed.

The standards of a school are not random rules for students to follow. Many of them are determined by what the Bible says. Isaiah 5:11-12 warns against alcohol abuse. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 is one of many passages that tells us to be sexually pure. Other standards, like no men in women's dorms, or no social dancing, may be set up because the college feels they are essential for training students to lead godly lives. During your college search, talk about any code of conduct with an admissions counselor. Those conversations can be rich and helpful for them and for you.

Not all Christian colleges have a formal code of conduct. Whether you sign something or not, your very enrollment is viewed as a commitment to the school and its "lifestyle" expectations.

If you cannot agree with the standards and practices of the college and submit to those over the four or more years of your enrollment, I would urge you not to go there. Your integrity is very important to you and to God. If you "sign on" and then willfully violate that trust, it's a violation of your personal integrity. We are to be people of truth and of our word, according to God's Word. If you don't agree with the rules, if you cannot follow through, enroll elsewhere. Your integrity is at stake. Be a person of your word. Keep your promises.

Q. I love the college my brother goes to, and I can't imagine going anywhere else. My parents like the school too, but they say I should consider other possibilities. Is there anything wrong with only thinking about one college?

A. Not necessarily. There are families for whom one college becomes the "family tradition," and it's a good thing for all of them. Then there are families for whom the healthiest approach is for each member to find the place that best "fits" him or her. Either approach can be an enriching experience.

It's great that your brother's college is so appealing to you. However, before you register for classes, there are some questions you need to ask yourself. Would you be living in your brother's shadow? Is he excited about having his younger sibling at "his" college? Would you someday wonder if another school might have been better? And let's say you're simply not able to get into your brother's college. Will you be left without a backup plan?

As you think about these questions, be as honest with yourself as you can. Your brother's college may seem appealing because it's familiar to you. Or it really might be the right place for you. Whatever the case, you want to be sure you're choosing the college that will best help you grow into the person God wants you to be.

It won't hurt to explore a few other possibilities. Your search may just confirm that your brother's college would be a great school for you. Or you may discover an even better option. It sounds like your family wants you to be happy and thrive in college. And I'm sure that's what you want, too.

Judy Moseman is Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students at Bethel College (MN).

Send your questions for this column to: Campus Q&A, Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. You can also reach Campus Q&A via fax (630/260-0114) or e-mail (Clmag@campuslife.net).

Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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