I'm so confused! My youth pastor tells me I should go to one college. My parents want me to go to another. My best friend wants me to go where she's going. I want to make up my own mind about where to go, but I feel so much pressure from everybody. What should I do?

Sounds like you need a pressure release valve! Tell each of the well-meaning people you mention here that you appreciate their concern and input, but that you are getting too many mixed messages from too many people. Then, take time to sit down and think through what each had to say. If they know you well, their perceptions may be very useful to you in your decision-making process. When they see you are trusting God and being responsible in sorting through your possibilities, they may stop pressuring you and start encouraging you.

Be very careful about choosing a college based on where your best friend goes. Friendships change drastically during the college years. You wouldn't want to be left behind when she finds new friends or be limited in your own choice of friendships. College is a wonderful time to welcome new people into your life and can often bring lifelong gifts of friendship. You and your best friend will both thrive if you are free to add new relationships to your life.

As for your parents, do talk extensively with them about this monumental decision. Then carefully and prayerfully weigh their input as you explore your various options. And even if you do decide on a school they wouldn't have chosen, your parents can't help but respect you for the maturity you've shown throughout the process.

My parents keep nagging me to fill out college applications, and I keep giving them lame excuses. The fact is, I'm afraid to apply be cause I am afraid I'll get rejected. I know that sounds crazy, but school has always been easy for me. I've won many awards for academics and I get all A's, but I think I'll be a total failure when it comes to college. How can I get over this?

You really are struggling with two major issues here. First, you're afraid of the possibility of being rejected by a college you apply to. Second, you fear failing when you attend college. Your fear of rejection is not uncommon. It's a fear that extends into many life situations for many people. I'll be honest. Most colleges have far more applicants than they have room for, so they're forced to sort out applications and accept a diverse mix of students. That's the bad news. The good news is, you'll likely be accepted at some schools for the very qualities another college passed up.

Don't feel any shame if you are rejected by a few schools you decide to go for. There's nothing "bad" about you. That school just doesn't see you as the best match for their institution. Their rejection may actually be a blessing in disguise. It will help you narrow your options and focus on fewer schools. That's why you need to look carefully for schools that you think would be a good fit for you.

Now about your fears of failure once you get into college. Your successes in high school are certainly a good predictor for success in college. The character traits and abilities that contributed to your good high school record will transfer into the college setting. Being diligent and conscientious about your studies will work for you every time. If you often lack confidence, you may want to talk with a trusted adult about how you're feeling. This is an excellent time for you to gain some insights into the things that make you anxious. And as you work through these anxieties and fears, you may head into college with a great sense of freedom and confidence.

So take a minute right now to pull out one of those college applications and at least fill in your name and other routine data. Start with one from a school that you think you will probably get into. Jot down a few ideas you might use in answering an essay question, if there is one. Just get the process rolling, and try not to dwell too much on whether or not you'll be accepted.

I'm a senior in high school, and all my friends are talking about where they're going to go to college. I'm just not sure that I'm ready, and I don't want to go just because that's what everyone else is doing. So how do I figure out if college should be the next step for me?

Good for you! Don't go to college just because that's what everyone else is doing. Take your time to determine if college is a good possibility for you, and then decide when you should begin. Talk with people who know you well, whom you trust and respect—your parents, youth pastor, teachers, older siblings and extended family members such as aunts and uncles. Their own stories about college decisions and experiences may help you, and they may have insights into your abilities and readiness for college that will be very useful.

You may want to take a college-level course at a nearby community college in the evenings or during the summer, just to get an idea of what it's like. Another option is to hold off on college and get into the workforce for a year or so. That experience may give you some new ideas about what interests you—it also may show you that you prefer the kind of work that requires a college degree. That can really motivate you to enroll.

College isn't for everyone, but it may very well be what God has for you next. As you explore your options, trust him to show you what's best for you. If it is college, you'll be going, not just because "everyone else is doing it," but for the right reasons.

If God's got everything all mapped out for my life, why should it matter which school I pick? I mean, wherever I go ends up being God's plan, right? So why read all those brochures, why spend money visiting a bunch of colleges and why fill out all those applications? It just doesn't make sense to work so hard when God knows what's going to happen anyway.

How have you discovered God's plan for you in other areas of life? It sounds to me like you expect to have one of the many college catalogs you are probably receiving right now arrive with a sticker on it that says, "This is the one!" Many of us have wished for some unmistakable sign that we were making the right choice on an important decision—taking a job, buying a house, choosing a mate, or deciding on a college. And there are those times and stories when people can point to an amazing set of circumstances that left absolutely no doubt in their mind about what to do next.

More often, as God's people, we seek God's will by using the abilities he has given us to explore, ponder, investigate and evaluate. I encourage you to take an active role in this decision-making process. "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people" (Colossians 3:23). What a great verse for a college-bound student. This is no time to sit and wait passively for God to write his answers in the sky. Give it some effort and energy, and anticipate what God will do in response.

And be sure to give effort and energy to your ongoing relationship with God. He wants us to know him better, and in knowing him we become more able to see our lives from his perspective. What a great opportunity for you to be faithful and experience God in new ways.

I've only visited two schools. One didn't impress me very much. The other "felt" right from the moment I stepped on campus. Would it be wrong for me to base this important decision on how I felt when I was there?

Would it be wrong? Absolutely not! On the other hand, don't attend a school just because it feels good. But why go to a school that didn't impress you very much? Here are some things to take into account as you make your decision. Does the school have a variety of programs that interest you? Is the school solid academically? A credible degree is more important than warm feelings for four years! Test your perceptions by talking with some students who attend the college you enjoyed visiting. See if their experience there is congruent with your positive feelings.

"Chemistry" is important even if you never take a lab course in it! You don't want to end up at a college that isn't a good fit for you. Feeling like a particular college is right for you could very well be one way God is directing you. Do pray for discernment as you consider the college as objectively as possible. As you do, you may discover some solid facts to back your feelings. And that, no doubt, would leave you with a very good feeling!

I attend a public performing arts school. I've been here since 7th grade and plan to go through 12th (I'm in 10th right now). When I graduate, I want to go to a Christian fine arts college. I thought my years in a performing arts school would enable me to find scholarships. But recently I heard that Christian colleges would likely turn up their noses at my application because of my secular education. Is this true?

I have good news for you, 10th grader! First of all, you are wise to be thinking ahead about college. Secondly, you can relax. I can't think of any school whose admissions counselors would "turn up their noses" at an application from someone like you. Most Christian colleges have more students from secular high schools attending than students from Christian schools.

Colleges are looking for students who know why they want to attend a Christian school and who can be successful there. You might have trouble, however, finding many Christian schools which focus only on the fine arts. While they do exist, you'll be more likely to find Christian liberal arts institutions and Bible colleges that have strong programs and majors in the fine arts as part of their curriculum. Seek them out and apply to those that interest you. You may need to audition in person or send tapes of a performance or a portfolio of your artwork as part of your scholarship application. If you have been developing your God-given talent, as it sounds like you have, and if you have been academically successful overall, you will be given every consideration by any of the schools I know. Be encouraged. You may be in demand!

I have no idea what I want to major in. So how can I decide where to go to college?

You're in good company. Many students enter college without knowing what they want to do. And many who think they know what they'll major in make a change or two along the way. Your best bet is to consider schools that offer a variety of possible choices of major.

If you attend a Christian liberal arts college you'll probably be required to take general education classes. These types of classes will give you an opportunity to sample various areas of study, even as you meet the academic requirements of your institution. Once at college, you'll have many resources available to you through career services, counseling, and academic advising. These services can help you decide on a major.

Be sure to visit the schools you are considering, and see what they have to offer overall. Continue to think prayerfully about what you are good at, and what you are interested in, and you will eventually discover the major that's just right for you.

I'm really overwhelmed by trying to decide where to go to school. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. What if I don't choose the school God wants me to go to?

If you take time to evaluate the colleges that interest you and prayerfully make the choice that seems right, you won't end up choosing the "wrong" school. God doesn't have a list of right and wrong colleges under your name. He's not a God of guesswork. Rather, God's primary concern is that you find a place where you can effectively use the gifts he has given you to advance his kingdom.

My best advice is to tell God how paralyzed by fears you feel, and try to rest easy. (A brisk 10-minute walk often helps me!) Talk over your worries with your parents and high school guidance counselor. Then ask God to give you confidence and confirmation in your decision-making process. Remember: "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control" (2 Timothy 1:7, New Century Version).

Judy Moseman is Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students at Bethel College (MN).

Copyright © 2000 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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