My parents are pushing me to get all A's in school, score high on my SATs and get into a top-ranked college. Even when I feel like I've done my best, I can always count on them to push just a little harder. How can I be sure that I'm not pushing myself too hard? And how can I break it to them if I don't get the perfect grades, high scores and acceptance letters they're counting on?

When pressure builds, the first thing you need is a release valve. Talk about the stress you are feeling with someone you trust. A listening ear and some encouraging words will give you perspective on the situation. It will also give you strength to take the next step—talking with your parents.

To make sure your talk with Mom and Dad doesn't turn into yet another source of stress, think through the conversation first. They need to know what you are feeling and how hard this is for you. You need to know what they are feeling and why this is all so important to them.

Your parents probably want the very best for you, and they're trying to motivate you to go for it. Help them understand that getting into a good college is important to you, too, and that you are eager to make the most of your opportunities. Then share your concerns about what this stress is doing to you physically and emotionally. The last thing you want to do is sacrifice your own health and well-being for perfect grades and test scores.

You and your parents will know you're pushing yourself too hard if you don't get enough sleep, if you don't make time to eat healthy meals, if you are losing touch with your friends, or if you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed all the time. A general feeling of tension in the house is also a sign that college concerns are looming too large. Every one in your family needs to act as a pressure gauge. A "critical" reading in any area means it's time for another heart-to-heart.

Later on, if you do have "bad news" about grades or test scores or about not being accepted to a college, be honest about your own disappointment. Then remind your parents that you tried to do your best. They probably haven't succeeded at everything they've tried, either. If things are too difficult between you and your parents, bring a pastor, a teacher or trusted adult friend into the next conversation you have with them.

If you learn to handle this challenge now, you'll be better able to establish healthy patterns for yourself in the future. You may end up being a good example for your parents. There may come a day they'll need to give themselves some of the grace you're learning to allow yourself.

I already know where I want to go to college. I've known ever since my youth group visited the campus when I was in junior high. My youth leader went there, and I love everything about it. But what if going there isn't God's will for me? How can I be sure I'm really following him in this decision?

It's time to visit your dream college again! Now that you're older and know more about what's important to you, that particular school may look different to you than it did in junior high. To follow up on this refresher course, check out some other colleges, even if you don't think you want to attend any of them. Looking around will help you get perspective and give you a chance to compare your current choice with what else is out there.

Carefully consider your interests in particular majors or activities and see what each school offers. Be sure to get the straight scoop from admissions counselors so you don't make a decision based on assumptions ("Of course they'll have a Sanskrit major!"). Then talk to your youth leader again—your visit will have sparked a lot of new questions. And seek advice from other wise people who care about you, like your parents and teachers. They may be able to offer a more objective view, because they don't already "love everything" about the school like you do.

Throughout this process, pray and ask God to guide you. You can trust him to show you if your dream college is a place where you would fit and be able to grow spiritually, emotionally, socially and academically. Be faithful in your search process, and trust God to work through it to bring you to a decision that gives you peace.

I'm a junior at a small, rural high school. My school doesn't offer any honors or AP classes, and there are hardly any electives. I get good grades, but my transcript isn't going to look very exciting because all I can take are core classes. Is this going to hurt my chances of getting into a good school? If so, what can I do about it?

You and your transcript still have a great chance of catching the attention of the colleges you're interested in. After all, you're not the only applicant with a small-school background. But you might have to work extra-hard on your application. You could provide some information about your high school to help the admissions officers understand what your school did (and didn't) have to offer. You might also look for a way to be creative in your application, maybe including imaginitive writing samples or programs from plays and concerts you were in, so the admissions folks can't help but notice you.

Your good grades and class rank will be given careful consideration. But whether you've taken basic classes or rocket science, all schools are interested in what you've done outside the classroom. Here's where you can rack up lots of points. Get involved in extra-curricular activities in your school, church or community. Volunteer your services. Not only will the investment of your talents and time be worthy of note, you'll also meet people who will be able to provide excellent references for your application.

Colleges want to admit students who can be successful. To convince them that you can succeed, you could beef up your academic credentials with a correspondence course or a few hours at a local community college. Find ways to set yourself apart, but be genuine. You want to attend a college that values your experience and appreciates who you really are. I'm sure a good school will welcome you!

I've been dating the same guy for two years. I'm a senior in high school, and he's a freshman at the college in our town. I want to go away to a different school next year, but he's trying to talk me out of it because he says we'll miss each other too much. I kind of want to go to school with him, but I really, really want to go to this other school. What should I do?

Go to the other school! I know that's easy for me to say, since I'm not actually in your situation right now, but hear me out. If your relationship is a strong and healthy one, it will withstand the test of time apart. The separation might even strengthen the bond between you and affirm the good things in your relationship. It's possible, of course, that the relationship won't pass the test. You need to be prepared for that possibility. However, you might break up even if you were enrolled in the same school.

There are lots of ways to stay in touch with your boyfriend while you're apart. E-mail is one of the best ways, and there's always the phone when you need to hear his voice. School vacations provide opportunities for you to be together at home—just don't go home to be with him every weekend. You'll want to allow plenty of time to make new friends and enjoy student life at your chosen college. You'll have a much better college experience that way, and you'll grow a lot more as a person.

If your relationship with this boyfriend continues and matures, I hope he will learn to encourage you in what you want to do. You'll both need freedom and space to develop your own identities. You might be just right for each other, and going to different colleges won't keep you from discovering that. Or, if you're not perfect for each other, the separation will make that clear, too.

Even though I'm only in ninth grade, I've started thinking about college. But I don't know if any colleges will take me because I have a math disability and Attention Deficit Disorder. Are there any Christian colleges with special programs for students like me? Should I even mention those things when I'm talking to people at the colleges I'm interested in?

You're giving yourself plenty of time to make a good decision about college. You could wait until you get into your junior year of high school and still have time to select a college. But your questions are good ones, and it's never too soon to collect useful information.

Many Christian colleges would be able to help you with your learning disabilities. To find the schools that would best meet your needs, link up with your high school guidance counselors. They have many resources which they can make available to you, including computer programs that identify which colleges have particular services to offer.

And when it comes time to make visits to the campuses in which you have an interest, feel free to mention your concerns about your learning disabilities to the admissions counselors. They can inform you of what support services are available on their campuses. Meanwhile, enjoy high school! The skills you learn to succeed there will help you succeed wherever you go to college.

In looking at national rankings of colleges, I've noticed that Christian schools don't get the highest academic ratings. Will attending a Christian college make it tougher for me to get a great job or go on to a top graduate school?

First of all, it's important to remember that plenty of "secular" schools don't get the highest ratings, either. Not everybody can be No. 1. But you're probably referring to the popular myth that Christian colleges are academically second-rate. Fortunately, the myth just isn't true.

Like colleges in general, Christian colleges have different strengths. Some Christian schools have truly distinguished themselves and are known as rigorous academic institutions. If this intellectual challenge is a top priority for you, you'll want to investigate several schools to see which one is the best fit. Items to pay special attention to include average SAT/ACT and G.P.A. of incoming students, percentage of faculty with Ph.D.s, and placement rates of graduates seeking further degrees.

If you're interested in any of the approximately 100 schools that are members of the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities, the CCCU can provide more specific information on academic ratings. For example, one recent survey of graduates from CCCU institutions showed that the grads highly valued the quality of their academic experiences. When asked to rate their strongest areas of satisfaction, they named "commitment to academic excellence," "experiencing intellectual growth" and "knowledgeable faculty" among the top 15. (This data is from the CCCU Quality/Retention Project and is based on the Fall 1998 Student Satisfaction Inventory.) When compared with stats from public and private secular institutions, the students at CCCU institutions are significantly more satisfied with their academic experience.

Of course, any education is only as good as what a student puts into it. A highly motivated student at a less-challenging institution can get a much better education than a slacker student at a topflight school. Also, some schools have A-plus programs in some areas but C-minus programs in others. Before deciding to attend any school based on its general academic standing, you'll want to consider its strength in the field you plan to study.

Regarding your future employment, the values you live by will be as important in the long run as the name and reputation of the college you attend. At a Christian college, you'll learn lessons of integrity and trustworthiness that will prepare you to contribute to society through your employment and the way you live your life. You can make a difference in the world because of what God can and will do through you—no matter where you go to school.

Judy Moseman is Vice President of Student Life and Dean of Students at Bethel College (MN).

Questions you would like considered for this column should be sent to: Campus Q & A,Campus Life, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. You can also reach Campus Q & A via fax (630-260-0114) or e-mail (CLMag@campuslife.net).

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